


#perthsaint: ten years later

by inordineight



Category: Thai Actor RPF, บังเอิญรัก | Love by Chance (TV), บังเอิญรัก | Love by Chance (TV) RPF, เพราะรักใช่ป่าว | Why R U?: The Series (TV) RPF
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), M/M, Multimedia, RPF, a bunch of artist cameos, blame troye sivan's the good side for this, i googled a bunch of shit for this, it's ten years later and everyone's accomplished, it's ten years later and perthsaint still isn't resolved, saint's an oscar nominee because he's amazing like that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:43:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24303094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inordineight/pseuds/inordineight
Summary: i'm sure we’ll meet in the spring, and catch up on everythingI’ll say I’m proud of all that you’ve doneyou taught me the ropes, you taught me to loveten years after LBC1, saint gets cast as the main lead in perth's directorial debut.
Relationships: Mark Siwat Jumlongkul/Perth Tanapon Sukhumpantanasan, Perth Tanapon Sukhumpantanasan/Saint Suppapong Udomkaewkanjana
Comments: 45
Kudos: 80





	1. newsbreak

**Author's Note:**

> the thing that really gets me about perthsaint is that they were each other's first and how parallel their careers are going now. they're both improving so much as actors in a short amount of time and the fact that they started out with each other and never will again is fucking heartbreaking. so I wrote this. kindly remember that this is fiction so everything is fake - the articles, the usernames, everything. please don't come for me. happy reading!

_i'm sure we’ll meet in the spring, and catch up on everything_   
_I’ll say I’m proud of all that you’ve done_   
_you taught me the ropes, you taught me to love_

\- the good side, troye sivan

*

**9 May 2028**

Perth keeps his eyes closed as the makeup artist finishes setting his foundation. The jacket his stylist picked out for him is light and comfortable, settling nicely over his shoulders like a cape.

He’s nervous, but mostly excited. Directing his own film has been his dream since he was a kid, the dream he’s worked hard to accomplish all these years. Despite being an actor, musician, performer, ambassador - all he’d ever wanted was to realize a vision of his own and to share it with the world. 

And now it’s coming true.

It hasn’t been easy. Working on Chord C had been more of a stroke of luck than anything, but when P’New accidentally found one of his old drafts from university and expressed his interest, Perth had held onto the opportunity with both hands. From then on, it was a matter of picking out the relevant people in his considerably huge network, pulling at threads and connections until they’d found who they needed. P’New had been amazing as usual, guiding and mentoring his former talent turned colleague all the way to success. Perth knows there’s no way he would’ve made it into Supphanahong without his old director. 

And then - Catalyst. The upcoming film he’s supposed to talk about. One of the PAs come to fetch him when the make up artist is done, giving him a polite wai that Perth returns. He’s led to the studio, shaking hands with the interviewer. They welcome him to the show and he introduces himself with a smile.

They ask him about the film, if it’s an adaptation, if it’s a love story.

Catalyst is a fresh script. It’s not that he’s tired of romance, heaven knows he’s built his entire career on it - not just in playing romantic roles, but also in carefully cultivating the “boyfriend material” image of himself. It’s weird how much harder it was once he left LBC and the BL industry behind, but his fans had been so lovely and supportive, letting him know he made the right choice. 

So he answers.

“Catalyst is a fresh script, and yes I like to think of it as a love story that isn’t necessarily a romance. You know how sometimes, when one door closes, another one opens? The people we’re meant to be with will find their way back to us when we need them, that's what Catalyst is about."

"You mentioned before that it's going to be about estranged brothers Sorn and Chanon. Can we finally put faces to the names?" 

Perth chuckles, leaning back on his seat. They did say it was supposed to be a quick interview. 

"Yes, we went through a couple weeks of casting, and we got a lot of really interesting auditions, but in the end we got the perfect brothers."

"Anyone we know?"

"I'd be surprised if you didn't," Perth replies, looking quickly behind him at the screen that would show his stars. 

"Well, don't keep us in suspense, nong! Who's Sorn and Chanon?"

"Chanon would be played by none other than Ohm Pawat."

A pause.

"While Sorn is going to be played by P'Saint. Saint Suppapong."

*

**#PerthSaint Reunites for Film "Catalyst"**   
_Wachirawit Opas-iamkajorn_   
_10 May 2028_

Perth Tanapon Sukumpantanasan’s highly anticipated directorial debut _Catalyst_ finally reveals its main cast in an exclusive live interview with DaraDaily yesterday. The up and coming director shared details about the film and revealed two actors who will be playing the main leads in the family drama: Oscar nominee Saint Suppapong Udomkaewkanjana as _Sorn_ and Ohm Pawat Chittsawangdee as Sorn’s estranged younger brother, _Chanon._ While Perth didn’t say much about the film’s plot, we do know that Sorn is going to be reuniting with Chanon as the younger enters university, and that the film would explore themes dealing with grief, family and social issues surrounding the queer community.

Sukumpantanasan recently won Screenplay of the Year in the 2028 Suphannahong National Film Awards for _Chord C_ , a mockumentary chronicling the struggles in life and love of queer, young, independent musicians from countries across Southeast Asia. _Chord C_ was lauded for its honest and well-researched portrayal of queer Asian youth. In an unprecedented move for Thai cinema, Perth, together with director New Siwaj Sawatmaneekul, and the rest of the team at Studio Wabi Sabi, publicly sent out a call for a hundred interviews across the region in order to craft the screenplay ( **WATCH:** _The Making of Chord C: One Hundred Voices_ ). While most previous dramas from Studio Wabi Sabi tended to follow the machinery and faithfully adapt BL novels with pre-established following, Perth has stated that he wanted the film to be closer to the real life situation of the LGBT community - hence the mockumentary format. Perth came out as bisexual in 2025, when he revealed his relationship with former co-star Mark Siwat Jumlongkul. 

Those familiar with Perth may know him more as an actor, playing lead roles in several Netflix TH series these past few years, starting with _The Stranded_ in 2019 opposite Jumlongkul, up to _BNK Elite_ of international fame _. (_ **READ** _:_ _BNK Elite Renewed for SS6!_ _)_ His decision to switch to the other side of the camera gained mixed reactions from both fans and critics. Given that Perth graduated with a degree in Directing at Srinakharinwirot University (SWU) just four years prior, it’s not an entirely unexpected change. Older fans would also remember that Perth’s first rise to fame came with his portrayal of Ae in the 2018 series _Love By Chance (LBC)_ , a hugely popular BL drama, also directed by Siwaj Sawatmaneekul, opposite Saint Suppapong’s _Pete,_ when he was just seventeen years old _._ Perth and Saint have not worked together since, despite the show being picked up for a season two that aired in 2020 and served to put a close to the series. Perth has also not taken up any roles in a BL drama after LBC2. 

After parting ways with his LBC co-stars in 2019, Saint has had a non-stop stream of acting projects, both series and films. The most notable of which was his role as Dr. Chonlathorn in the 2022 dark comedy about the COVID-19 pandemic _Quarantine_ , which won the 2023 Oscar for Best Foreign Language Film and gained the then 25-year-old actor his first Oscar nomination for Best Actor. This is the first time in the history of the Academy Awards that a Thai film and a Thai actor was nominated for any award, let alone won. ( **WATCH:** _Saint Suppapong on Oscar Nomination_ )

In the span of barely a decade, Saint has filled his filmography with roles from every genre and a diverse cast of characters, all to positive critical reception, firmly establishing himself as one of the most versatile actors of his generation. In past interviews, Saint confirms that he’s keeping himself open to BL roles in the future, citing that the genre made him who he is today.

> “I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again - I’ll take a role if it’s interesting to me and I can see it helping me grow as an actor. It’s not about whether it’s BL or not, my focus is on honing my craft, and that means playing characters that I’ve never played before. I never want to do the same thing twice. I think BL has really evolved more into dramas starring gay leads of all ages and backgrounds rather than being dramas centered solely on gay relationships in high school or university, so there’s a lot there that I’m open to exploring. It’s where I started, after all.” (Suppapong, 2027)

We’ve reached out to Saint for comment on the casting, kindly watch this space for developments on the story.

Meanwhile, Ohm Pawat, another veteran actor who gained his big break under Sawatmaneekul’s direction for _Make it Right,_ has been a staple…

**More like this**

#Throwback: Saint Suppapong talks Oscar nomination, what’s next for his career  
Ohm Pawat on leaving GMMTV, the future of BL dramas  
#Throwback: Perth Tanapon and Nanon Korapat: SWU Graduation in pictures  
Chord C: Everything you Need to Know   
#Throwback: Studio Wabi Sabi gets new managing partner, switches trajectory from TV dramas to film

**Comments (324)**

**user235** so y’all not gonna mention the reason why they weren’t seen together since? 

  * **user450** what do you mean?
  * **user235** _This comment has been removed._



**user746** leave it to saint to keep making history like this lol #perthsaint forever

 **user872** wait they were together? was this before perth came out?

  * **user120** nah they played an on-screen couple, mark siwat was perth’s first public boyfriend
  * **user872** are mark and perth not tgt anymore?
  * **user120** they broke up after bnk elite ss2
  * **user872** ohhh thank you!



**user404** isn’t saint bi too?

  * **user120** he’s super private so we dk anything abt his sexuality & relationships, but he did a lot of BL in his earlier years. him and zee pruk are still really close
  * **user249** we really got nothing? dispatch must not be doing their job right lol
  * **user120** dispatch is trash. If saint doesn’t want anyone to know then it’s not our business
  * **user249** it was a joke, chill



**user120** omg I loved chord c, can’t wait for this!

  * **user109** same! perth is insanely talented both on and offscreen, I’m so excited



**user029** i’m so proud of perth he’s so talented and dedicated to his craft, and so young too!

 **user934** saint’s literally an oscar nominee and he’s still here supporting an old co-star’s project. so versatile and humble, what an amazing person and an amazing actor

  * **user940** kinda makes me glad they didn’t work out when they were younger, they’re both so accomplished now, being pigeonholed into a BL couple would’ve gotten in the way of that
  * **user934** idk what you want me to say in reply, saint had to go through a lot when he was just starting out because of that rumor. it turned out okay but I’m not going to say that I was glad it happened
  * **user302** BL literally got them where they are today, idk where people get off looking down on it
  * _Replies to this comment have been moderated._



*

 _ **Thailand Trends**  
_ #PerthSaintReunion  
1.5M Tweets  
#Catalyst  
1.2M Tweets

 _ **Asia Trends**  
_ #PerthSaintReunion  
5.3M Tweets

*

**Instagram | Explore**

**@iplann** Congrats nongs, can't wait to see catalyst @perthppe @saintsup  
 **@cooheart** Catalyst is going to be amazing! 💛💛  
 **@s.yacht** I grew gray hair waiting for this #PerthSaintReunion

  * **@sammy_3008** ikr #PerthSaintReunion



*

**Top Tweets containing PerthSaint**

**2020**

**@tincanned** so that’s it huh? no saint at all? #LBC2 #PerthSaint

 **@mamefan** disappointed but not surprised #LBC2 #PerthSaint

 **@zaintseeyou** dead ships don’t sail #perthsaint

 **@perthpppe** seeing perth gaze fondly at meanplan during the FM is making my heart hurt he should’ve been there as half of perthsaint lol will delete this

 **@2wishers** it hurts so bad I can’t even look at the cast pics without thinking about who’s not there. perthsaint emo hours: open

 **@httptrigon** if saint even tweeted or liked anything from the og cast I would’ve been grateful and considered it perthsaint content but it’s whatever I’m fine I’m not crying

 **@meanplanner** i’m so happy they ended tincan so well but I can’t help thinking about aepete and how we could’ve had it all please hold me #LBC2 #tincan #aepete #meanplan #perthsaint 

**@zaintseen** did I expect to see saint? no. was I still heartbroken when they didn’t even show a picture of him in the finale? yes #perthsaint 

**@psislife** i’m so sad so sad this is so sad they had so much more to tell and now they’ll never get to #perthsaint

…

 **@zaintseen** LET’S FIGHT GHOST IS SO GOOD OMG saint has chemistry with anyone how does he do that 😭 I can’t even get a girl to look at me #perthsaint #zeesaint #ornsaint

  * **@httptrigon** IKR our baby’s got a bright future ahead of him
  * **@zaintseen** couldn’t agree more 😍
  * **@bl_multi** can we talk about that cinematography tho? Gorgeous!
  * _Show five more tweets_



(3k tweets more...)

**2021**

**@perayeah** finally caught up! time to start LBC2, can’t wait for aepete boyfriends coaching tincan <3 #perthsaint #meanplan

  * **@brightwinning** oh honey 
  * **@bl_multi** who’s gonna tell her?



**@perayeah** wait what? germany? what goes on

 **@perayeah** what’s happening is this in the novel?

  * **@httptrigon** check your dm!



**@perayeah** OHMYGOD WHAT THE FUCK HOW DID I JUST KNOW ABOUT THIS NOW

**@httptrigon** i keep seeing new fans get so confused when pete doesn’t appear at all in s2 I’m really sorry babies #perthsaint didn’t survive

  * **@bl_multi** shut up you’re making me sad :( 



**@zaintseen** my irl just started watching LBC1 and she’s gushing to me about perthsaint please pray for her

*

 **@httptrigon** has anyone seen bkk elite? what do we think? perth’s playing a het this is so weird to me lol he’s still half of perthsaint in my head

(700 tweets more...)

**2022**

**@bl_multi** saint’s haircut in the quarantine teasers remind me of krit lol i’m sad over perthsaint again

*

 **@perthpppe** okay but it’s creepy how dr. chon looks like if pete and krit had a child? (or you know, #perthsaint) the movie was amazing and mindfuck-y tho I’m so glad they got an int’l distributor so I can see it in theaters and not just my laptop

*

 **@httptrigon** SAINT JUST GOT NOMINATED FOR A FUCKING OSCAR. ALL PERTHSAINT STANS BETTER SUPPORT HIM OMYGOD THIS MADE MY YEAR SDFKDSN KING MADE IT. HE’S LITERALLY MAKING HISTORY RIGH TNOW THE WORLD’S GOING TO KNOW HOW AMAZING HE IS I 

  * **@zaintseen** i’m so emotional right now I’ve been there since pete and now dr. chon I’m so happy for him I can’t breathe hgngg
  * **@frankdrakebfs** woke up to this news, icb we’re alive right now in this moment to witness this
  * _Show 85 more tweets_



**@perthsaintt** OSCAR NOMINEE SAINT SUPPAPONG. I LOVE TO HEAR IT. 

  * **@saintstan** i’m gonna get a tatt that just says “OSCAR NOMINEE SAINT SUPPAPONG” 



(300 tweets more...)

**2023**

**@httptrigon** perth’s characters really love getting it on in locker rooms lol #bkkelite #perthsaint

  * **@httptrigon** that was supposed to be #aepete but same difference



(10 tweets more...)

**2024**

**@brightwinning** for 2010s BL cps, my top 5 is still brightwin perthsaint taynew kaoearth and j9. no I don’t take criticisms

(12 tweets more...)

**2025**

**@httptrigon** y’all telling me perthsaint could’ve been real this whole time?

  * **@perthpppe** let’s not make it about ships? he literally had to come out because someone sold him and mark out. let’s just show them our support 
  * **@saintstan** what’s going on?
  * **@perthpppe** perth came out as bi, dm-ed you the link but it’s legit everywhere



(75 tweets more…)

**2026**

…

**2027**

…

**2028**

**@brightwinning** PERTHSAINTSATION MAKE SOME NOISE. WE’RE ALIVE AGAIN

 **@httptrigon** IS THIS FOR REAL AM I DREAMING WTF #PERTHSAINTREUNION

 **@perthpppe** I'm so proud of them omygdos i wnst to cry I love perthsaint so much this isngoing to be amazing i'll take one step into the thearer ans burst into tears

 **@bl_multi** I'M BACK BITCHES suddenly I'm 18 and crying over perthsaint again. i literally have a kid now this is insane

    * **@bl_multi** my last tweet on this account was five years ago that's fucking insane
    * **@bl_multi** i didn't even know perth graduated from actor to director omg bb I'm so proud of him
  * **@perthpppe** welcome back! perth still acts haha he's coming back for bkk elite, but this is his first directing job
  * **@bl_multi** I missed you all thanks for the info! i've only been following saint and atp now, everyone else is branching out :(
  * **@perthpppe** yeah we're getting old. there are '10 liners on stan twt now
  * **@bl_multi** that's absolutely mental



**@tanapondotcom** can someone explain why everyone’s freaking out :( I’m really glad perth got some big names for his film but this is so extra lol what goes on what’s perthsaint about

  * **@httptrigon** check my pinned thread uwu



**@httptrigon** I see a lot of people are confused and I feel like it’s my duty as y’all’s phi to do an explainer so here goes #perthsaintreunion101 - a thread

  * **@tanapondotcom** i’m so sad I asked **😭😭**



*

 **perthppe** has a new post  
 _with Sorn & Chanon - at Siam Paragon_  
Liked by ohmpawat, saintsup and 1.2M others  
 **httptrigon** #PerthSaintReunion 

*

 **saintsup** has a new post  
 _Catch some waves with us! Visit Verde y Azul at Pattaya this summer and have the time of your lives._  
Liked by sammy_3008, s.yacht and 900k others  
 **perthppe** looking good p’! _  
_

*****

**@httptrigon** has changed their bio to “looking good p’!”

*

 **@brightwinning** jan just saw #perthsaint having lunch at Siam. their chemistry is as good as ever I want to cry 😭  bit.ly/image/385738 

**@httptrigon** we could've had perthsaint all this time I'm fucking devastated  bit.ly/image/385738 

**@perthpppe** I know perth's directing but can he please please make a cameo or something I want to see them on screen again tgt please I will give up my firstborn  bit.ly/image/385738 

**@bl_multi** I'm gonna take one for the team and say it: perthsaint grew up well. they were cute tgt in LBC but now it's like damn daddies  bit.ly/image/385738 

  * **@httptrigon** perth's still the top lol
  * **@brightwinning** i miss saint's power bottom days
  * **@bl_multi** wdym? he was such a power bottom in the sorcerer with mew lol
  * **@brightwinning** only in subtext 😭
  * **@tanapondotcom** was the sorcerer any good?
  * **@bl_multi** it has mew and saint in it. of course it was good



**@saintsu_p** guys ohm was with them too lmao you're all freaking out like it was a date or someth  bit.ly/image/385740 

  * **@tanapondotcom** ohm’s their kid
  * **@bl_multi** him and perth are the same age akdsnfjdads



**@gl_enthusiast** I didn't know shit about perthsaint bc I'm not a dinosaur so I looked it up and now I'm crying into my cereal. how did you guys survive this?

  * **@bl_multi** it was a long time ago lit rally but the BL industry used to really be like that. the other lead, ohm pawat, went thru smth similar
  * **@gl_enthusiast** there's more???
  * **@bl_multi** you don't have to research it if you don't want to, but yes a lot of irl artist friendships broke up because of shitty management
  * **@tanapondotcom** maybe that's what Perth's next mockumentary should be about lol
  * **@gl_enthusiast** SAVAGE DJFJDJFJSSJ



**@brightwinning** hello, it’s me. I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet?  bit.ly/image/385738 

  * **@httptrigon** FUCK YOU
  * **@saintsu_p** why would you say this asdkjsfnsdj
  * **@perthpppe** please shut up
  * **@teachmechordc** I hate you for this
  * **@bkkelitesuperior** who gaVE YOU THE RIGHT WTF
  * **@saintships** no
  * **@tanapondotcom** no (2)
  * **@bl_multi** blocked.
  * _240 more replies_



*

**May 9, 2028**

1 - 20 of 28 Works in Perth Tanapon Sukhumpantanasan/Saint Suppapong Udomkaewkanjana

**May 10, 2028**

1 - 20 of 54 Works in Perth Tanapon Sukhumpantanasan/Saint Suppapong Udomkaewkanjana

**May 11, 2028**

1 - 20 of 136 Works in Perth Tanapon Sukhumpantanasan/Saint Suppapong Udomkaewkanjana

*

**From: N’Perth**

8:59 PM

Hey, thanks so much for coming in and doing this. 

It means a lot.

See you at workshop.

**Read**

*

**To: N’Perth**

11:30 PM

See you.

**Delivered**

*****

**From: P'Koala**

11:35 PM

I'm downstairs, let me in

I got food dw

**To: P'Koala**

11:36 PM 

you're the best thing that's ever happened to me

**From: P'Koala**

11:37 PM

ikr

*

1:34 AM

Contact **N'Perth** is calling…

"P'Saint?"

The sounds of light breathing, a quiet groan.

Static as the phone is pressed against a sleepy cheek. 

"Hello krub?"

"Phi?" 

"Yeah?"

"P'Saint?"

"Oh shit no, this is Zee. I thought this was my phone."

"Oh sorry, he's probably asleep already."

"He is, yeah." A yawn. "I'll tell him you called."

"Oh. No, that's okay. Can you- can you delete this call off his phone log?"

"Um, okay?"

"Khob khun na krab. Sawadee."

Dial tone. 

The press of fingers against the screen as Zee does as Perth asked. 

The room is quiet as Zee's body settles back into the bed, his back to Saint's, their bodies in repose until the sun starts peeking out from the horizon. Across the city, a young man turns his phone off and watches a casting tape on loop for an hour on his laptop, before falling into a fitful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk anything about dispatch pls don't point it out. also, fun fact: mdl lists make it right as p'new's first directing job. it aired in 2016, which would make p'new 27 then. perth would be 27 in 2028 :)


	2. congratulations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please heed the change in warning, thank you!

**Six years ago**

In another life, Perth thinks, he wouldn’t have to find about the news through fucking Twitter. He stares at his phone screen with the news article, breakfast forgotten on the kitchen counter.

“P’Plan!” he calls, “have you seen the news?”

His P’ pokes his head through the door, bedhead dwarfing his face. “What news?”

“Quarantine just got nominated for Best Foreign Language Film.”

“Good for them,” Plan answers as he enters his own kitchen, pulling out a plate for himself. It’s one of their rare days off, but the script for the mid-season episodes of BKK Elite SS2 is sitting heavily in Perth’s overnight bag, begging to be read. 

“Which awards is it?”

“The Academy awards,” Perth times his answer for when Plan’s plate is safely over the table, wincing as it drops. 

“Quarantine got nominated for the fucking Oscars!?” Plan demands.

“Yep,” Perth confirms, passing Plan his phone. He swirls the milk in his cereal bowl with his spoon, wishing he were drinking something stronger. He always does whenever he thinks about Saint. 

“Holy shit, this is amazing. This is a huge deal, Perth. No Thai film has ever made it to the Oscars nominations list before.”

“I know,” Perth agrees, nodding. His phone pings, and Plan frowns down at the notification that appears.

“You have notifications on for N’Saint’s Instagram?” 

“Give me that,” Perth demands, swiping his phone out of Plan’s grip. He does, it’s whatever. He’s had it on and off since they worked together, almost what - four years ago? It’s no big deal. 

He checks the post, it’s another brand endorsement. It’s probably scheduled, his team wouldn’t address this big of a news through an Instagram post alone. He waits until the post gets a couple thousand likes (it doesn’t take long) before pressing the heart button and pocketing his phone. 

He looks up to P’Plan staring at him. 

“You should congratulate him.” 

Perth frowns, shoving his cereal into his mouth. 

“They’ll probably hold a party, you know how these things go. We should go and get drunk so you can have enough courage to actually talk to him again.”

“What makes you think we’ll be invited? And even if we crash,” Perth pauses to hold up a finger, silencing P’Plan’s protest before it starts, “there would be paps everywhere. It’s too much of a hassle.”

"You can say it's research," P'Plan shoots back, a smug smile on his face. "Bring your best friend, have him introduce you to everyone."

Perth rolls his eyes, "Nanon isn't my best friend. Speaking of, I still need to iron out some details for my thesis proposal…”

*

Plan drags him to the fucking celebratory party. He doesn’t know how his phi got the invite and he doesn’t want to know. What’s even worse is P’Pupae just _lets_ him, waving off Perth’s protests and sending a stylist to his house at lunch time to doll him up. 

**From: P’Plan**  
It’s this huge thing. Everyone who’s anyone is going to be there, stop feeling so special. Pick us up at 5. _  
_

P’Plan didn’t lie at least. The venue’s one of those huge conference halls with cocktail tables and nowhere to sit, bringing to mind modern ballrooms. It’s so huge and he’s caught sight of enough industry bigwigs that he’s starting to feel anonymous. It’s a comforting feeling. Once he and the rest of TEMPT go through the usual media shoot at the entrance, he goes straight for the bar.

P’Plan won’t let him though, dragging him to meet a familiar face. Nanon laughs when he sees him, his arms around Chimon who’s already looking flushed. Lucky bastard.

“Hey Ai’Perth. Try to smile a little, this is supposed to be a party!” 

“I’m supposed to be editing _our_ thesis proposal right now,” Perth retorts, the smile on his face growing even more forced as he realizes that P’Plan has somehow disappeared. 

“Non let me read through it, Ai’Perth. It’s flawless, you’re gonna ace it for sure. The first draft was amazing too though, the one about musician kids? Why’d you drop it?”

Title perks up at Chimon’s statement. “What musician kids? You never tell us about your studies, Nong!”

Perth lets himself talk about the project, feeling more comfortable. For all he talks shit about him, Nanon has that effect on him. Nanon has that effect on everyone, if he’s being honest. They catch up a bit in between shots - him, Nanon, Chimon, P’Title and P’Gun. Chimon has the brilliant idea to share an IG story of all five of them - six since P’Plan popped up to smile at the background before flitting back off to wherever he came from. 

After about half an hour of going around and socializing, they regroup to get dinner, just in time to hear the director call for everyone’s attention. Perth’s feeling light and loose from the good food and the drinks, he almost forgets the real reason he was so anxious to come. P’Saint and his co-actors take the stage, smiling widely and waii-ing at everyone. He feels his breath catch in his throat. He can’t remember the last time he was in the same room as P’Saint - was it that year’s Line awards? Maybe at Kazz? 

Raucous applause greets the cast, and P’Plan has to nudge him before he joins in, ignoring Title’s concerned looks. 

“Sawadee! Thank you so much to everyone for coming! The outpour of support has been amazing...”

Perth’s mind drowns out the director’s voice, his eyes focused on P’Saint’s smiling face. 

“You should congratulate him,” P’Plan had said. He thinks back to the text draft on his phone, the unsent “congratulations p’, su su!” that will never see the light of day. He’d always known P’Saint was meant for great things. It’s just that - once upon a time, he thought they would achieve it together. 

“...just heard it today. We’re very pleased to share that our very own Saint Suppapong was included in the list of nominees for Best Actor in the 2023 Academy Awards. Nong Saint, everyone!” 

Perth literally feels his jaw drop. He feels warmth spread from the center of his chest, and he blindly reaches behind him to grip Plan’s forearm. 

“Phi,” he whisper-gasps, as the applause turns deafening around him, “Did I hear that right? I did, right? He’s - for the Academy? Best actor?” 

P’Plan reaches out to wrap a strong arm around his back, taking a few steps away from their friends who are listening with rapt attention as Saint effortlessly commands the room with his eloquent chatter ( _he hasn’t changed a bit)_ , his eyes shining, the highlight on his cheek making his face glow softly despite the harsh lighting. He’s beautiful, he’s always been beautiful. Perth yearns to - to touch, be near him, anything. 

“Are you okay?” P’Plan asks urgently. Perth can feel the alcohol in his veins, turning everything blurry and gentle. P’Saint’s voice envelops him in all directions, thanking everyone, talking about the experiences he’d had, what he’d learned about the healthcare industry and the frontliners who gave up so much of themselves to curb the virus. The warmth in his chest is back, and Perth realizes with a start what it is - pride. He’s so, so proud of his P’Saint. 

“He’s going to win,” he tells P’Plan with childish conviction. He remembers seeing the film, two weeks after it came out because that was the only time his schedule would let him. Perth remembers feeling sobered by the pointed satire of the film and crying at all the right parts - and then some. P’Pupae doesn’t know, but he thinks he’s snuck out more than twice in the middle of filming to watch it again and again. 

It was an experience, seeing Saint on the big screen instead of on TV or the Line app on his mobile or laptop. It’s a wonderful thing to marvel at, the way he gives himself to the role, the way he _transforms_. It was a transcendent performance from a dedicated performer - one that he’s had the golden opportunity to play off of in its infancy and never again. He feels humbled, he thinks, for having been there. Then guilty, again, for everything that happened after.

This is a good thing, a huge thing, he tells himself. The double nomination would force the whole entertainment industry in the country to elevate. It’s Saint’s first venture outside TV and he’s gained an Oscar nomination for it - only P’Saint, he thinks. Of course he’d be Thailand’s first Oscar nominee on his first ever try at acting in a film. There’s no one else it could’ve been. 

So why does he feel like crying? 

P’Saint finishes his speech, and the venue roars with cheers. The background music turns into something loud and fast paced, inviting the celebrities within to dance. He slips away in the chaos before P’Plan or Title can look for him, keeping an eye on Saint the entire time. It’s a huge place, shrinking the possibility for them to bump into each other. P’Chen and Zee welcome him with hugs as he steps offstage. If he stopped moving enough to look closer, he’d have seen Zee use a handkerchief to quickly swipe under Saint’s cheek. 

He heads straight for the bar, swiping a bottle of vodka before making his way to the private exit, not bothering to say goodbye to his friends. He’d text them later. There’s someone he needs to see. 

*

**Present Time - April 2028**

Saint doesn’t know what he’s doing. To be fair to himself, he saw the script before he knew who wrote it - or who the director would be. At this point in his career, he’s always on the lookout for fresh material. He’s been in the industry for ten years. At times it feels like he’s seen it all, so he thinks he could afford to be picky. P’Chen’s got a couple of people managing the scripts sent to him, and looking out for those that aren’t. He doesn’t have a strict criteria, but over the years they’ve learned what he likes and what he doesn’t.

The moment he reads it, he ponders on talking to P’Chen about giving P’Kim a raise. There’s something genuine about Sorn that interests him. The character’s a bit raw, but he likes it that way. He can put his own spin on it. So he reads, and he decides to audition. Not to sound boastful or anything, but he knew he was going to get the part the moment he left the casting venue. 

Three days later, he gets a call for a lunch meeting with the director and the producers. It doesn’t bother him - the not knowing - because his team is a small and close-knit one that he trusts with his whole heart. So when he gets there, the last person he expects to see is Perth Tanapon, looking as handsome and as youthful as he did the first time they met. 

He figures the universe owes him a few surprises. 

“Nong Saint, over here, please!” A man in a crisp dark gray suit calls him over in English, waving cheerfully from a table out on the balcony. Saint smiles and gives a quick nod, walking over. He makes sure to send P’Kim a string of middle-finger emojis before pocketing his phone. It vibrates once with a reply, but he doesn’t get to check it as he exchanges waiis with everyone at the table. Of course, the only seat left empty is the one beside Perth. Of course.

“You know,” the man who introduced himself as P’Tao starts, “when Rung sent me the short list from casting and I saw your name on it, I thought she was having me on. Who would’ve thought we’d get _the_ Saint Suppapong on our first Thai production? We’re really glad to have you here, nong.”

“Thank you, phi,” Saint replies. “My people sent the script over and I knew I had to try when I read it. It’s a beautiful story.” 

“You have N’Perth over here to thank for that,” the one called P’Pen says, gesturing to the man on his right, “I don’t know why he’s so nervous about directing, he knows the script in and out. And I know you’ve worked together before, right? I haven’t had much time to review your earlier filmography before flying over.” 

“Yes, phi, we have. Don’t worry, I’ll try not to stress him out too much,” he answers, elbowing Perth teasingly. 

Perth smiles back, his eyes still crinkling adorably when he does so it almost takes Saint’s breath away. It’s been so long he’s forgotten the effect of seeing Perth this close has on him. 

“I’ll hold you to that.” 

Silence ensues. Saint finds himself unable to look away from Perth’s eyes. He hates this. It’s been a literal decade. What’s wrong with him? 

“Hey everyone, sorry I’m late.” 

And Ohm Pawat saves the day, taking the empty seat across from Saint that miraculously appeared. The production company is an international one, specifically supporting young filmmakers who produce queer content. They heard about Perth through Chord C and was referred by one of his Netflix contacts. It’s not a formal meeting, not without P’Chen and Ohm’s manager there, but they get to discuss the work plan, the expectations for him and Ohm, what they want the outcome to be, how the script came about. 

“We’ll set a formal contract signing with your managers within the week,” P’Tao announces, settling their bill. “Ai’Pen and I have another meeting to go after this, but feel free to order dessert or drinks. I have an open tab with this restaurant anyway. It’s a pleasure meeting you, gentlemen. We’re looking forward to working with you.”

Ohm, Saint and Perth waii respectfully as the producers leave. 

“I’m going to get something to drink,” Ohm says, “but only because I want to be here for this.”

Perth raises his eyebrows, “and what exactly is this, Pawat?”

Ohm grins, pearly whites showing, “you, P’Saint. Whatever’s going to happen here.”

“That’s your director, Ohm. Watch your mouth,” Saint quips.

“Khun Director,” Ohm starts, “would you also like to order a beer? Just one can, I promise.”

Perth rolls his eyes, nods. Saint shakes his head no when the younger turns to him. Ohm goes to the bar dutifully. 

Saint moves to change seats at the emptier table, moving away from Perth who watches him warily. 

“I swear I didn’t know,” they say at the same time.

Saint frowns. Perth didn’t know? He’s the fucking director. How can he not know?

“You’re the director,” he deadpans. 

Perth looks to the side, taking in the view of the Bangkok skyline before addressing him.

“We’re in the middle of filming teasers for season six. They wanted the main cast straight away so they held auditions without me. P’Rung did the casting for their projects in Malaysia and Singapore so…”

Saint frowns. So it wasn’t Perth who chose him. He's not sure why the thought disappoints him.

“Is this - are you okay with it? Are we going to be okay?” 

“You’re the director,” he repeats, “it’s your job to make it okay.”

Perth winces. “Right. I meant us. Working together. This is my first directing job and I want to make sure we wouldn’t have any problems.”

Saint exhales, dropping his chin onto his palm and looking at Perth sideways. Fucking hypocrite. 

“If you don’t want to work with me, you can just say so. I have a line of directors banging on my door. I-”

“Phi,” Ohm interrupts, placing three cans of beer and three glasses filled with ice in the middle of the table, “You can’t back out, come on. No one can play Sorn as well as you will.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere, Pawat. And I told you I’m not drinking,” Saint replies, sticking his tongue out, thinking back to the badminton match they had last week with the other GMM boys where him and New were spectacularly obliterated by Ohm and Tay. If he knew the brat was going to be his co-star...

“It’s Chanon, actually. Right, Khun Director? Hey, if you’re the director, do you still have to call P’Saint phi? On that note, do you have to call me phi? I’m one year older than you, but it’s weird to have a director that’s younger than me. Did you pick us specifically so you can boss around actors older than you?”

“There was a casting director. Apparently it’s not Perth’s job to cast his own actors.” Perth’s name sounds weird in his voice. It’s the first time he’s used it that day, and it’s awkward. It makes him feel too conscious of his tongue in his mouth.

“Oh, I thought you did. Job’s a job, I thought this meant you already forgave me for that mess at Nanon’s birthday party last year.” 

“What mess?” Saint asks, at the same time Perth says, “Still not forgiven. That was my favorite shirt.”

“Khun Director, I’m sorry na. And hey, congrats on the Supphanaphong. Nanon wouldn’t shut up about how he helped you write the very first draft while you were still at SWU. Don’t worry, I didn’t believe him.”

“Damn right,” Perth mutters. 

“You wrote Chord C in university?” Saints asks. He didn’t know that. That’s really...impressive. 

Perth pours his drink before answering. “Yeah, it was supposed to be our thesis, but we switched trajectory halfway through. It’s too high maintenance and Nanon and I were both filming at the time.”

“Let’s get to the drama,” Ohm interrupts, tone impatient, “when was the last time you two saw each other?”

“I thought we were supposed to take this time to talk about our characters?” Saint says wryly. He likes Ohm, he really does, but he’s a little shit. All of Newwie’s friends seem to be. 

“P’Sorn,” Ohm replies, slamming his glass down on the table, getting into character effortlessly, “just because I live under your roof now doesn’t mean you get to pry into my personal life and make my decisions for me. I lived without you for twenty years, I can do so now. So please do me a favor and stop giving your opinion where I don’t want it.” Here, he gets his face just shy of Saint’s personal space, “Get the fuck out of my room.”

Saint narrows his eyes, trying to recall the line that comes after, when - 

“Actually,” Perth interrupts, “Chanon’s more reserved in that scene. Sorry, I haven’t sent the final script, but he’s more tired about it - like, he couldn’t really care less about Sorn, he just wants him gone because he’s had a plan for university, and here comes along this big brother that he didn’t really want disrupting everything. Can you try it again?” 

Saint picks up a can, pours himself a drink. Might as well.

“Khun Director, how long were Sorn and Chanon apart again?”

Saint brings the glass to his lips, letting the cool, bitter liquid burn down his throat-

“More or less ten years.”

-and out his mouth. He coughs out the beer that went down the wrong pipe, Perth’s hand shooting out to thump his back.

“Sorry! Are you okay, P’Saint? Here’s some water,” Ohm offers, panicking. 

“I’m fine. I’m fine, rerun the line.”

Ohm looks at him doubtfully, but does as he’s told. Perth nods approvingly at his second try. 

Saint looks into Ohm’s eyes - _Nong Chanon_ \- and says, “Look, I know we’re not close, and that’s my fault. I wasn’t there for you, but I’m still your phi. I’m not going to stop trying to make up for the years we lost now that we’re together again.” 

Ohm grins when he finished delivering the line, flicking a sideways glance to Perth. “Maybe you should rerun that by Khun Director as well, P’Saint,” he suggests, “I have a feeling he needs to hear it again.”

Saint frowns, rerunning the line in his head. What does Ohm - _oh._

_I wasn’t there for you, but I’m still your phi. I’m not going to stop trying to make up for the years we’ve lost now that we’re together again._

Are these words he would want to say to Perth? Are these words he deserves to hear from him?

His buzzing phone saves him from having to answer. 

“I have to get this, sorry,” he says, excusing himself from the table, unaware of the powerful glares Perth was now sending Ohm’s way and the other actor’s answering grin. 

“Hey P’Zee, what time are you picking me up?”

*

**Six years ago**

Perth knocks on the door, his suit jacket folded over one arm, shirt rumpled and unbuttoned halfway through. He has his phone and keys inside the fist poised over wood, the other clutching the neck of the vodka bottle tightly.

It opens barely a minute later.

“Hello, stranger,” the owner greets him. “You know, not even my mom knows I’m back in Thailand yet.”

“Guess I’m just that special then, aren’t I?” Perth shoots back, strutting into the room with a bravado he doesn’t feel. He didn’t know if he would be back, to be honest. The flight could’ve been delayed or he could’ve gone straight home. But his instincts about his former co-star hadn’t been wrong yet. 

“I saw you at Nanon’s IGS at the party, how come you’re here?” Mark Siwat asks, taking Perth’s jacket and the bottle from his hands and placing them on a corner table, before crowding him against the entryway of his unit with his hands and hips.

“I need an excuse to see you now?” Perth asks, his mouth so close the words brush against Mark’s lips. He raises his now empty hands to clutch at the other’s shoulders, fingers slipping inside his collar. 

“You know you’re always welcome here, even though you don’t deserve it,” Mark mutters, untucking Perth’s shirt from his pants with practiced ease. 

“Don’t be mad na,” Perth whispers, moving to mouth at Mark’s neck, lips dragging hotly over the exposed skin. He feels more than he hears Mark moan, fingers pausing in its way to unbutton his shirt the rest of the way. “I missed you,” he continues as his mouth moves up, licking up the shell of Mark’s ear. 

Mark pushes him away by the belt.

“Are you drunk?” he asks, raising one perfectly shaped eyebrow. 

“No,” Perth insists, pulling back. “I had some shots with the guys but I’m not drunk. I drove here. And that bottle hasn’t been opened, we can share if you want.”

Mark looks down, biting his lip. Perth’s thumb comes up to gently release it. “What is it?” Perth asks, lips quirking up. 

Mark’s hand comes up, slender fingers wrapping around Perth’s wrist, keeping it where it is. “Nothing. I missed you too.”

A smile blooms on Perth’s face at Mark’s shy look. “You’re allowed to miss me too na,” he says, cupping Mark’s cheek with the hand in his grip. He leans forward and captures his lips with his in a soft kiss. He keeps it chaste, content with tasting the sweetness of the other boy’s mouth. His other hand reaches out blindly to intertwine with Mark’s free one, pinning it against the wall as he ends the kiss with a gasp. His nose travels a line across Mark’s jawline and down his neck, sniffing gently, ending with a kiss pressed in the valley between his collarbones. Oh, how he loves his collarbones.

With one hand, Mark manages to get Perth’s shirt all the way off, pushing it off his shoulders and down his arms. One hand spans a slender neck, the other pushes down on his shoulder as Mark jumps up to wrap his legs around his bare waist. 

“I want you in me,” Mark gasps out, crushing their mouths together as his hips rock forward. Perth smirks as he carries him to the bedroom. 

*

**Present Time - April 2028**

When Saint walks back to the table, dejected at the thought of P’Zee not being able to pick him up and bring him home after, Perth is sitting alone, nursing a half-empty glass of beer. 

“Where’s Ohm?” he asks, feeling antsy at the thought of being alone with Perth. After seeing him this close for the first time in years, Saint feels like he’s about to crawl out of his skin. It feels...wrong, somehow. They worked in the same industry all these years and he’s managed to avoid him just fine, so why now?

Right, P’Kim. They’re going to have a really long talk after this. 

“He went to the bathroom. P’Saint, about what Ohm said..”

“Perth, it’s fine,” he interrupts. Better to say this now before he loses his nerve. 

“We don’t have to talk about it. It happened a long time ago when we were kids, but we know better now. It was just one job that ended badly from a long list of jobs. And Catalyst is just another job. We’re both professionals here - you’re going to do great in directing, and I’m going to do great as an actor under your direction. We’re going to finish filming, you’re going to look over post prod and we’ll go on all the required promotional events. Then after that we can move on and part ways again. It’s not that deep, don’t think too much about it.”

“What if...I don’t want to do that? What if I want to believe that this job brought us together for a reason?”

Saint sighs.

“And what reason would that be?”

“To put the past behind us. To start again. Together.”

Saint steels himself and looks into Perth’s pleading eyes. It’s so unfair, how they never changed, how looking at him makes Saint want to bare all of himself to the boy who took his first kiss and the man he’s grown up to be. 

“We’re not friends, Perth.”

“No,” Perth agrees, nodding, “but we were before, as you said, a long time ago. We can be again, can’t we?” 

These are things that Saint knows: that Perth is an amazing actor, but that the dream has always been to direct; that he prefers playing the guitar to singing, even after all these years; that he’s an only child but that the Catalyst script has the same depth and maybe even more that he’s always looked for in all his projects. 

But Saint also knows this: he closed his heart off to Perth Tanapon all those years ago for a reason. He’s not keen on opening it and going through all that pain again. He can play this part - of Sorn, of a Saint that’s buddies with his director - without putting his heart on the line, because he’s a fucking professional. Ask the Academy. 

“Sure,” he answers, letting a smile fill his face, clenching his fists secretly as Perth smiles back at him, relieved and so _hopeful_ it shows even in his eyes - _those damn eyes_ \- “let’s be friends.”

*

**Six years ago**

Afterwards, lying naked on Mark’s bed, Perth reaches for his phone, putting it on silent so it doesn’t wake his partner as the notifications pour in. A barrage of texts and missed calls come in from P’Plan and P’Pupae, some from P’Tle, one each from P’Gun and Nanon. He ignores them all and goes straight to Instagram, searching for Saint’s profile, hating himself the entire time. There’s at least ten stories from the past couple of hours, most of them at the celebratory party or reposts of well wishes. 

The most recent one is in someone’s apartment. It looks like they moved the party somewhere more intimate, and it’s Saint with his front cam just showing everyone in the room, his face a little less polished, a little drunk-flushed but relaxed, smiling so widely as he ends the video with Zee’s arm over his shoulder. Perth turns his phone off. He doesn’t sleep. 

_no matter how long_ _my heart will still remain the same  
_ _please just look into my eyes  
_ _you will see that they will never change_  
 _this yearning must end_  
 _goodbye until we meet again_

\- until we meet again, boy sompob

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that ends chapter two! sorry it's so slow. if you liked it (or not lol), feel free to drop kudos or to let me know your thoughts in the comments, I'd love to know what you guys think so far


	3. friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not very happy with the latter parts of this chapter, but I needed it out of the way to get to the good stuff. plus, no flashbacks this time! btw, have y'all seen perth's cathydoll ad? who gave that boy the right to be that cute i'm mad!!!

**May 2028**

“Good morning, everyone!” Perth greets brightly, looking down at the cast. “I hope you’ve all had the chance to look through the final version of the script we sent last Friday. For today I want to start off small, maybe we can just introduce ourselves and share a recent memory we have of our families to get us in the mood? I’ll start.”

From beside him, Ohm winks, sending their director a cheeky thumbs up. Perth rolls his eyes as the room laughs. 

“I’m Tanapon Sukhumpantanasan, I’ll be your director for this project. I know I look young, but don’t worry, I got a degree and everything. I also got a Supphanahong last year for writing and co-directing Chord C, so I’m obviously an expert now.”

Saint can’t help the laughter that bursts out of him at the younger’s deadpan words. He quickly muffles it with his hands, not wanting to disrupt the atmosphere. Perth glances down at him in amusement, his smile widening as he continues. 

It’s the first day of workshops for Catalyst, also the first time Saint is seeing Perth in person again since their tentative agreement to be friends two weeks ago. 

He's been quite busy, filming the last two episodes of _The Sorcerer_ and attending the events that come with it. When he saw the contract and the full script, his annoyance at P'Kim dwindled a little bit. And anyway, they've talked it out. She knew Perth has been out of Attractor since he started doing more international projects, plus the production company worked with a lot of his long-time sponsors. It's a win-win, really. Saint has been trying to look at it in an optimistic light. His talks with P'Zee have been helpful with that. His Koala really is too kind for his own good.

The crux was the full script he received last week. Perth truly is an outstanding writer. He’s not going to let the shadows of their past hold him back from doing justice to this script. 

Right now though, as he talks about the recent trip he took with his Mae to Bali, Perth looks...tired. He has the look of someone who's been subsisting on coffee and not sleep for quite some time. Saint would know. He speaks a little too fast and moves his hands a little too much. He needs to rest. Saint vows to talk to him about it after the workshop. That's what friends do, right?

They go around in a circle, him, Ohm, Saint, the ones who would be playing their parents, Sorn’s ex-partner, and Chanon’s friends from university. Perth shares that he picked out the most vital scenes for each of the characters, opting to expose them to the heavy stuff now and urging them to build their character interpretation around it later on. The acting consultant P’Tao sent quietly observes in the corner, trying to get a read on the acting styles of the cast. 

They break for lunch, sitting together on the studio floor. Perth finishes his rounds, making sure that everyone has their own food, before giving in to Ohm’s repeated calls to sit with him and Saint. 

“Did you announce the workshop for today on socials, Khun Director?” Ohm asks, stuffing his face, “my FC sent over a bunch of food. I gave them away to the staff already but there’s still a lot.” 

“Then give us some!?” Perth asks incredulously, “I’m starving!”

“What? No way! You have your own FCs!” 

“Here,” Saint interrupts, placing a transparent boxed meal in front of Perth before digging in to an identical one. He sees Perth's mouth water at the sight. This boy. 

“I’m endorsing a new diet plan service owned by one of P’Zee’s partners and they sent over an extra lunch. You can have it.”

Perth's face darkens a bit when he says that, before he nods and smiles politely. He mustn't like diet meals; but it's actually delicious, in Saint's opinion. He wouldn't endorse it if he didn't think so. Perth opens the box and half-heartedly picks at the food, almost nodding off into his meal.

Saint frowns. "When was the last time you slept, Ai'Perth?" 

"Ai?" Ohm asks, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm not gonna call my director nong. It's too weird."

"Just call him Khun Director like I do."

Saint elbows Ohm, swiping his drink. "No thanks. Answer the question, Perth."

"Um, this morning? On the way here. P'Pie won't let me drive." 

"How long was the drive?"

"I don't know, like thirty minutes?"

"And did you get breakfast?"

Perth smiles sheepishly, "No, this is my first meal since brunch yesterday." 

Saint frowns, "What the hell, Perth. You need to eat. And sleep." 

"I'm not always in the same timezone with the producers, and we're still finalizing some last minute sponsor contracts that came in since you two were announced. Thanks for that, by the way. It's nice to not be broke at the end of this."

"You're welcome," Ohm replies. Saint shakes his head, picking up his box and sliding them over to Perth's side.

"Eat," he says with finality, pulling out another box for himself.

*

The session ends in the late afternoon, giving Saint an hour and a half window before he has to do a reshoot for one of his night scenes on _The Sorcerer._

He corners Perth as the other man packs up, gently laying a hand on his arm. “Hey, Perth, are you okay? You look tired.” 

“It’s just work, P’. I’ve been really busy lately.” He yawns. “I’m going home after this to catch up on some sleep.”

“How are you getting there? I can drive you,” Saint offers, before he could think twice about it. 

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to be a bother,” Perth replies, moving to slip the strap of his bag over his shoulder. His arm misses the loop entirely, and he frowns when the bag falls on the floor. Saint picks it up with one hand, bringing his car keys out of his pocket with the other. Perth must be more tired than he’s letting on. It doesn’t sit well with him.

“Come on,” Saint invites, walking away, trusting Perth to follow behind him.

“Thanks P'Saint,” Perth replies, yawning again, too tired to argue, “Are you sure I’m not taking too much of your time?”

“Of course not,” he dismisses, “I was just going to pick up dinner and go home myself. You don’t mind if we take a detour for a drive thru, right?”

“No, that’s okay. Thanks again.”

“No problem.”

They barely make it to the parking lot before Perth falls asleep in the front seat of Saint’s car. He manages to get his director to enter his address into the car’s GPS before he succumbs to the warm embrace of sleep.

‘That’s right’, Saint thinks, ‘I don’t even know where he lives now.’

He drives in silence, not daring to turn the radio on in fear of waking up his passenger. Perth has always been prone to overworking himself. It saddens him to think that he hasn’t kicked the habit even a decade later. Not that it’s something avoidable in this industry. He thinks back to the impending reshoot with a wince. Traffic wouldn’t let him drop Perth off _and_ make it to the set in time. 

Once they hit a red light, he sends off a quick apology text to P’Chen and his director. The sun starts to set in the horizon as the buildings ahead of them in the expressway race to turn their lights on, coalescing into the familiar neon-lit cityscape he knows of night-time Bangkok. It bathes Perth’s face in a harsh glow, the angles of his face growing darker, sharper, in his sleep. Like the face of a stranger he would meet in a club, spend the night with, and leave the next day. He shakes his head to clear the thought.

One of his old favorite congee places is on the way to Perth’s condo, so he decides to get three servings worth before dropping him off. The street is a bit out of the way, the buildings lower, the store fronts lit by gentler light. Here, Perth looks more like himself. If Saint doesn’t look at him directly, he resembles his younger self, a shadow of the boy who took his first kiss after eleven takes, the up and coming actor he once thought his younger self could fall in love with. 

But then he makes a turn, and the hard lights and reality seeps back in. His calendar app reminds him, quite loudly, that he has forty-five minutes before he has to be in make-up. The sounds wakes Perth up, eyes blinking in confusion about where he is. Just in time, Saint pulls up to the driveway of Perth’s building.

“We’re here,” Saint announces uselessly. 

“I got you congee. For your dinner,” he adds, as Perth continues to blink at him. He reaches to the seat behind him for the containers, Perth’s face too close for comfort as he turns back. 

Perth smiles when he sees the food, face sleep-soft and gentle, and makes grabby hands like a kid. 

“Thank you, P’. Would you like to come up and eat with me?” he asks sweetly. Saint imagines the walls he put up against Perth sink a little lower into the ground at the sound of his voice. 

His phone buzzes twice on the dashboard. He and Perth both turn to look at P’Chen’s caller ID on the screen. 

“Maybe next time,” Saint refuses, his hand reaching behind him to unlock the passenger-side lock. Perth’s face shutters down, but brightens again quickly, “I’ll hold you to that.”

Saint nods once, sobered. He can’t believe he’s letting Perth get this close to him again so fast.

“Bye, P’. Drive safe.”

“Bye Perth.” 

He steps on the gas, not giving himself the chance to watch Perth walk away. 

*

Filming ends a slight breath before midnight. Saint takes his phone out of one of the many pockets sewn onto his character’s costume. He has to bite his lip to hide the grin that takes over his face as he opens the barrage of messages Perth left for him. 

**7:48 PM**  
 **From: N’Perth**  
Thank you for the congee, P’. It tastes amazing! Did you get home okay?

 **7:50 PM**  
 **To: N’Perth**  
Glad you liked it, N’Perth. Get some rest na.

 **7:51 PM**  
 **From: N’Perth**  
I will! Just have to get up at 10pm again for a conference call with int’l sponsors 55555+

 **7:54 PM**  
 **To: N’Perth**  
I thought you said your schedule was free for rest tonight ☹️ You need to sleep, nong. It’s not good to overwork yourself.

 **7:55 PM**  
 **From: N’Perth**  
I know 😣 But I want Catalyst to actually profit. It’s an hour meeting, tops.

 **7:56 PM**  
 **From: N’Perth**  
Hey, what’s my contact on your phone? It’s not Khun Director, is it? 🙄

…

 **8:45 PM**  
Contact N’Perth has been changed to Ai’Director.  
 **To: Ai’Director**  
 _screenshot.jpg_  
What do you think? 😅 

**8:46 PM**  
 **From: Ai’Director**  
Way better 😜

 **8:50 PM**  
 **To: Ai’Director**  
Hey, you’re supposed to be sleeping ☹️ 

**8:51 PM**  
 **From: Ai’Director**  
I am! I’m lying on the couch

 **8:52 PM**  
 **From: Ai’Director**  
You lied too. You said you were free tonight but I saw P’Mew’s IGS. You’re on set :( 

**9:00 PM**  
 **To: Ai’Director**  
Not lying! I made it to set on time

 **9:01 PM**  
 **To: Ai’Director**  
 _image2304.jpg_  
This costume looks badass but it’s actually so fucking itchy

 **9:02 PM**  
 **From: Ai’Director**  
Okay but it looks so good on you though? I think I see fake blood, are the clans finally getting a showdown in the finale?

 **9:05 PM**  
 **To: Ai’Director**  
You watch?

 **9:05 PM**  
 **From: Ai'Director**  
Of course! I'm rooting for P'Mew's clan. Sorry 😝

 **9:07 PM**  
 **To: Ai’Director**  
Lol you're not the only one. And sorry, no spoilers! P’Nan’s calling. Might not be able to answer my phone. Good luck on the call, su su!

 **9:10 PM**  
 **From: Ai’Director**  
Thanks! Have fun! I’ll just be over here… reviewing contracts… so exciting...

 **9:25 PM**  
 **From: Ai’Director**  
I can’t find my fucking earphones

 **9:30 PM**  
 **From: Ai’Director**  
Nvm I found them, they were in my pocket

 **9:55 PM**  
 **From: Ai'Director**  
Game time 😎

 **11:12 PM**  
 **From: Ai'Director**  
P'!!!! My English..it ran out.. help ..mee

 **11:13 PM**  
 **From: Ai'Director**  
I think it went well though. Press tour is gonna be exhausting. Sorry in advance. Hope your passport is up to date.

 **11:20 PM**  
 **From: Ai'Director**  
But you said you missed Vietnam earlier today, right? 😏

 **11:25 PM**  
 **From: Ai'Director**  
You know that instant meal brand? With the awful congee? Don't tell Par Fern at the congee stall that we're taking them as sponsors 😭😭 Hers is still the best.

Saint takes a selfie of himself in the costume before retiring to the dressing room, letting the costume staff take off his outfit piece by piece.

 **12:10 AM**  
 **To: Ai’Director**  
Sounds fun. Can’t wait to tour the team around Hoi An. And don’t worry, your secret identity as a sellout is safe with me 😉

 **12:11 AM**  
 **To: Ai’Director**  
Rival clan says hi. _image4031.jpg_

“Is Ai’Zee picking you up again? You have that smile on your face,” P’Mew teases, as the prosthetics expert carefully disassembles his horns from beside Saint.

Saint rolls his eyes at his co-actor, his light mood unaffected by the late hour. “Not tonight, no. He’s at Chiang Mai meeting with the managers of the southern branches.”

“Alright then. Fancy a drink? I was going to drop by Gulf’s - he’s with some of the old gang. We can probably catch up.”

“Nah, it’s fine P’. I have an early morning tomorrow. Maybe next time though.”

“Suit yourself,” Mew shrugs, thanking the artists for their work and taking his leave. Saint turns back to his phone, a smile on his face. 

**12:20 AM**  
 **From: Ai’Director**  
You look perfectly terrifying. Can’t wait to see you beat some wizards up.

Maybe this friends thing won’t turn out so bad after all. 

He packs up soon after Mew, jogging to the parking lot and warming up his car, chugging a bottle of cold water he always keeps on hand to wake himself up a little. 

**12:21 AM**  
 **From: Ai'Director**  
Are you done with filming?

 **12:45 AM**  
 **To: Ai’Director**  
Yep, I’m on my way home for real now. Hope I don’t fall asleep lol.

 **12:46 AM**  
 **From: Ai’Director**  
Are you in the car now? Turn your video on, I’ll shout through the screen if you start to nod off 5555555+

 **12:47 AM**  
 **From: Ai’Director**  
Or is that weird? That’s kinda weird. Sorry. Forget I said anything. 

The smile that appears on Saint’s tired face comes unbidden. He presses the video call button before fitting his phone onto the dashboard holder. 

“You better make sure I get home safe, Tanapon.”

Perth’s voice, tinny and static-charged, blasts through the phone, making Saint feel warm and comforted.

“Aye aye, Captain!”

Saint smiles all the way home.

*

Five sessions later, it’s become almost routine for Saint to drive Perth home or to his next appointment after the workshop. He’s determined not to sleep through them like the first time, despite the constant pull of exhaustion. These are the only times him and Saint are alone together, and they spend it catching each other up on what they’ve been up to these past years. 

It’s quickly becoming the highlight of his week, if he’s being honest. He’s really....he’s really missed his P’Saint. He’s got opinions on everything, and when he starts talking about something that interests him, it’s difficult to get him to stop. Not that Perth would want him to. He can listen to Saint talk for hours. It’s nice. It’s like he’s getting to know the other man all over again, and the feelings of fondness and admiration he used to associate with the boy who brought Pete to life were coming back, fresh and in full force.

Perth is trying really hard not to think too deeply about what that means. 

Not that he’s got time to. They had a measly weekend after the end of workshops before they start filming. He’s got to stick to schedule if he doesn’t want directing duty to overlap with shooting for _Elite_. It’s Sunday evening, and he and P’Tao had just come back from setting up the first location and a two-hour production meeting. Some of the crew are staying at the house already overnight, but he figured he should sleep in his own bed while he still can. He’ll have to go back early in the morning anyway. 

It feels like he’s barely closed his eyes when his 4am alarm blasts him out of sleep. He goes through his morning routine with a giddy sense of energy - workout, shower, a quick breakfast in anticipation of the busy day ahead while checking his emails - before he goes out to warm up his car. This is it - the first day of his childhood dream turning into reality right before his eyes. 

It's time to show the world he's more than just another pretty face. 

**5:10 AM**  
 **From: Chanon ☝️**  
Good morning! Are you on set already?  
What am I saying? Of course you are.  
I just wanted to say good luck.  
Although you don’t really need it.   
You’re going to be amazing, obviously.  
*It’s  
See you tomorrow!

 **5:22 AM**  
 **From: Chanon ☝️**  
I’m really proud of you.

He doesn't get to check his messages until late in the afternoon, going through sequence after sequence with Ohm and Chanon's parents. It’s...fucking exhausting, to be quite honest. Even Ohm was throwing him concerned glances between breaks, asking after him instead of the other way around. He goes out into the street for a breath of fresh air, and Saint’s texts are the first thing he sees. 

**4:13 PM**  
 **To: Chanon ☝️**  
Thank you P’. That means a lot coming from you.

And it does. Perth feels something warm and fragile take root in his chest at the thought of his phi being _proud_ of him and of them being close enough again for Saint to be so. He was afraid that Saint would hold their past against him, but he’s been so nice and sweet and _open_ in a way Perth isn’t sure he deserves. In the week and a half they were doing workshops, he’s been caught up with Saint’s past and present projects and businesses, his current friends and hobbies. It’s like they were never apart at all. It all feels too good to be true. They never really got to talk at length about what happened, his near desperate plea for friendship during that first meeting notwithstanding. Could it really be that easy? If this was just Saint being friendly because they were working together, he’s not sure if he would survive not having him in his life again. 

“Save your lovesick looks for when P’ is actually here,” a voice comes from behind him. Perth turns around, quickly pocketing his phone at Ohm’s approach. 

“Who were you texting?” Ohm asks, grinning, his phone in Perth’s face. 

“No one,” he counters, trying to swipe at Ohm’s phone and failing. 

“Aaaaaand sent,” Ohm sings, “I’m updating my socials with behind the scenes. For marketing, you know? Don’t say I never did anything for you.”

*

 **One week later - May 2028**  
Live Interview with Blue Wave Thailand

“Today we have with us the director and the main leads for _Catalyst-_ Perth Tanapon, Saint Suppapong and Ohm Pawat _._ Your announcement made quite a splash in the media, nong Perth.”

“Well, I’m glad everyone is as excited as I am,” Perth replies graciously, smiling his usual charming smile.

“You’ve been acting for close to a decade now, and you wrote and co-produced Chord C last year, but this is your first time directing. How’s that been like for you?”

“To be honest, it’s a dream come true, but it’s also a lot of hard work. Directing involves a lot of coordination with the producers and the sponsors as well as the production heads that I don’t get into as an actor. I’m learning a lot in the process.”

“Speaking of filming, N’Ohm and N’Saint, this is your first time acting together. Is that right?” 

“Yes, but we’ve been friends for a long time, so this is really exciting. It’s an honor to see P’Saint work up close.”

“Yeah, and we’re really pleased about the chemistry. N’Ohm is basically just my annoying little brother at this point.”

“You’re calling me annoying?”

“Who refuses to share his food for lunch?”

“You have your own!”

“So, this is basically what I’ve been dealing with on set,” Perth interrupts, sharing a conspiratorial smile with the interviewer, who laughs. 

“Is it weird that your lead actors are both older than you, or does it actually help?”

“As you can see, they’re both overgrown children, so it’s a bit of a challenge.”

Ohm and Saint, as if practiced, glare at him playfully, in sync.

“But no seriously, it does help that both of them are so experienced. We learn a lot from each other.”

“It helps that Ai’Perth sees it from both sides,” Saint pipes up, “since he’s been an actor for almost as long as we have. So he’s got an idea of how he wants us to portray the characters, but at the same time he knows how we execute it.”

“Yeah, he’s also been working really closely with our acting coach, so we have guidance all around,” Ohm adds. 

“That’s really great to hear. Now, there’s something that our audience really wants to know. When the casting announcement came out, #PerthSaintReunion trended not just in Thailand, but also in Asia, for almost a full day. A lot of people are really excited that you guys are working together again. Can you share a bit of what your relationship has been like since Love by Chance ended?” 

They should’ve expected this. Perth feels stupid for not having an answer. It’s PR 101 - never let the media catch you unprepared. It was the one thing drilled into their heads over and over again after Saint… after Saint was…

Saint saves the day again.

“I guess reunion is the right term to use. We didn’t really get the chance to work on any other projects again before this one. The universe must have been waiting for a pretty special script to bring us back together.”

The interviewer nods. Perth doesn’t know if it’s the answer they want to hear, but they segue flawlessly into their next question. 

“You mentioned the word chance. Was it a conscious choice not to work together again so you can build up your careers outside LBC?”

Imperceptibly, Saint’s smile goes a bit tighter around the edges. “I wouldn’t even have a career if it weren’t for LBC. All the projects that came after were because of it. The experience is something I’d forever be grateful for.” 

“Yeah,” Perth butts in, a little desperately, “if you look at P’Saint’s filmography, it’s been really diverse. Every time one of his series or films comes out, I honestly can’t wait to see what he does next. It’s the best kind of surprise. And he just keeps getting better and better with each one. So, you know, I think we met each other again at the right time.” 

What the fuck was that? Shit, he needs to sleep. Perth can’t believe he just threw away all his media training like that. P’Pie is going to kill him. He’s going to die before Catalyst ever gets off the ground and Nanon plus everyone in his SWU block is going to be laughing at him until he reincarnates. Fuck. His. Life. 

“You’ve been following my work?” Saint asks, turning back to him, his perfect face a little shocked, a lot disbelieving. 

“Who hasn’t?” Perth replies, laughing convincingly. Well, he thinks so. 

“You’re kind of a big deal in these parts, P’,” Ohm comments, redirecting the interviewer’s attention, who goes to ask Ohm about how he prepared for the role.

Almost on autopilot, he answers the questions thrown his way, nodding politely when Ohm or Saint take over. Before he knows it, they’re wrapping up, greeting the interviewer politely before being guided backstage. 

*

 **@BlueWaveTH** Saint Suppapong on #PerthSaintReunion: “The universe must have been waiting for a pretty special script to bring us back together again”

    * **@httptrigon** oh so the script perth wrote? **🤡🤡🤡**


    * **@perthpppe** perth is actually saint’s universe wbk


    * **@httptrigon** aw shit 



**@BlueWaveTH** Perth Tanapon on Saint Suppapong: “He keeps getting better and better with each [series/film]. We met each other again at the right time” #PerthSaintReunion

  * **@tanapondotcom** that’s soooo sweet



**@httptrigon** so that just happened #PerthSaintReunion

 **@httptrigon** I still can’t believe we’re getting perthsaint content AFTER TEN YEARS 😭

 **@bl_multi** okay but the look at saint’s face when perth word vomited and admitted that he’s been following his works? that’s gay

  * **@brightwinning** perth’s awkward laugh after sfsdjkfdsnj he’s usually so professional in interviews but ? this one was so real
  * **@bl_multi** IKR! he was like oops that was too obvious, gotta backtrack
  * **@brightwinning** that’s a “can’t let the world know I’m still in love with you” laugh
  * **@bl_multi** HAHAHA OMG



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I imagine The Sorcerer to be like a kinda mix bet. game of thrones and harry potter and the mortal instruments. just your generic high fantasy cult classic except with your fave bl boys. drop kudos or comments if you enjoyed, thank you for reading!


	4. catalyst, pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was supposed to include badminton night but it grew too long so I decided to split into two. part two isn't done yet sorry 😭 made a minor change btw, elite is coming up on ss6 instead of ss4, I didn't estimate the timeline well the first time around
> 
> next, if anyone in the film industry/a film major is reading this, I'm so sorry in advance idk how any of these works
> 
> lastly, some references. both Perth and Saint are studying in srinakharinwirot university (swu) irl. saint's graduating with an economics degree while Perth (along with nanon and mark siwat who's their senior) is studying at COSCI. if anyone knows who aom and tina are, I already love you

There’s a product launch Saint has to attend with the _Sorcerer_ cast immediately after the interview, so Perth only has the excruciatingly short walk from the studio to the parking lot to apologize to his phi for his lack of foresight. 

“I’m sorry, P’. I should have asked for the questions before we went in. That was completely my mistake and I take full responsibility. I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again next time and I-”

“Perth,” Saint interrupts, smiling too graciously for the situation at hand, "it's fine. P'Kim sent over the questions beforehand so I was prepared. Didn't you check your email?" 

It's embarrassing, but he can actually feel his jaw drop. "They sent it in?" 

Saint frowns, eyes roving seriously all over Perth’s face, “You didn’t see?”

Wordlessly, Perth shakes his head. Saint frowns deeper, and Perth has to clench his fist so he doesn’t smooth the space between his eyebrows with his own fingers. 

“Are you okay, Perth? Truly? You know there’s no shame in asking for help, I’m sure P’Tao can get you an assistant.”

“Yeah, maybe you’re right. I don’t know, I’ll think about it. I think I just need to - ugh, like relax. I feel like such a tightly wound string these days.” 

Saint bites his lip, looking toward the entrance of the parking lot where P’Chen was waiting, eyes on his phone like usual. Perth takes a step back unconsciously. He’s ran out of time, and now he’s taking up P’Saint’s as well. P’Pie had made so many concessions to let him direct Catalyst and film for Elite at the same time, and now he’s going to have to ask for a promotions manager when he explicitly said that he can handle it on his own and-

P’Saint flicks him on the forehead. Perth looks up in shock.

“Did you just flick me?” 

“You’re overthinking again,” Saint admonishes. “This is why you’re so stressed all the time. Get that assistant and take the weekend off. Ohm and I were going to invite you later but now’s a good time as any. Badminton Saturday is this Saturday. Come with?”

It’s back again, that fragile warmth in his chest that feels a lot like hope. Perth clenches his other fist. 

Saint glances at P’Chen once more, before taking Perth’s hands in his urgently. “I’ll send you the details. You can NOT say no. I have to go, see you on set tomorrow.” 

And with that, Saint walks away like a whirlwind. Perth watches him go, grinning automatically when Saint turns around once to wave back at him. The warmth in his chest breaks and spills into every part of his body, turning into a different kind of emotion he’s too scared to name. He looks down at his hands, open now, and trembling subtly with the memory of having Saint’s hold them. 

He’s so fucked. 

Everything had always felt so easy with P’Saint. The first day they met at workshop all those years ago, Perth had been a giant bundle of nerves. True, he had the Attractor boys with him, but it was his first lead role and so much of it would depend on his chemistry with Pete. But then Saint had come over and introduced himself, all flawless skin and cheeky smiles, chattering a mile a minute, and Perth was gone - basking in the glow of his attention, preening at every smile, touch and word, his moves dictated by whatever would make P'Saint happy the most. 

When they were sat down to get coached on how to do fanservice, Perth had let Saint take the lead, setting the boundaries of what they would and wouldn't do. It wasn't out of a misplaced sense of shyness or inexperience. Simply put, the limits of what he would do, of how far he was willing to go in pretending to be in love with the other actor, just did not exist.

Mark had called it a work crush, because at the time everyone (including Perth himself), still believed he was straight. But it wasn't any type of crush really, work or romantic or otherwise. Working with Saint made him want to be the best possible version of both Perth and Ae. The more they got to know each other, the more it felt like a floodgate in his head was being opened, allowing him to access emotions from the deepest parts of himself and _be_ his character rather than just portraying him. 

He hasn’t yet worked with anyone who made him feel the same way. There’s always been a distance - no matter how small - between him and all his succeeding coworkers. It’s back again, that feeling of lightness, of freedom, a sort of security that allows him to let go and fully immerse himself in the script - all because he had Saint with him.

Perth picks his phone up, dialing as he walks back to the studio. “P’Tao, do you have a minute? I have a favor to ask…”

*

Perth is dreaming. He knows because the man in front of him is one he’s only seen through video call this past year. They’re in his home studio, the mirrored wall reflecting his dead-eyed stare back at him. 

“You look tired,” Mark says, sitting cross legged on the floor, his head in his palm. 

Perth yawns, hugging his bent knees tighter. “That’s because I am.”

“You look like shit,” Mark adds, standing up and shaking out his legs. 

“Thanks.”

He walks toward the corner, fiddling with the audio, tuning in some loud EDM tune Perth remembers he likes dancing to.

“It’s not going to last, you know. He’s just being nice because you have to work together.” 

“I don’t know what it says about my subconscious that you’re the one telling me this.”

Mark shrugs, warming up. Perth watches him dance, mesmerized. He’s only gotten better with age. It’s such a pity he didn’t pursue it professionally. 

“Are you coming back to Thailand anytime soon?” 

Instead of answering, Mark continues. “Whatever fantasy you have of him coming back to you is not going to happen. You're the one who hurt him. He's not going to come back because you gave him a job to replace the one he lost eight years ago because of you. It’s too late, don't you think?”

He pauses in the middle of the routine, and so does the music. Perth curls deeper into himself, trying to be as small as possible. Mark glances back at him, but suddenly he’s P’Plan, sipping on a bottle of soymilk. 

“Do you miss N’Mark?”

“Of course,” Perth admits. 

“He’s always had the most sense out of all of us. Don’t forget, we have a script reading this weekend for S6."

“I didn’t forget, P’.”

“You’re always so busy these days.”

“I’m working.”

“With N’Saint again.”

“Yes.”

“Be careful, nong.”

“Why?”

P’Plan puts the soymilk down on a table that appears behind him, and Mark's studio melts away, transforming into a location he hasn't seen for a long time. It looks like the Engineering canteen from LBC but...different, emptier without the cameras and the tarps and the lights. Lonely. 

When P’Plan looks back at him, it’s with Saint’s face from ten years ago, the perfect and only Pete Pichaya, sporting a familiar, heartstopping smile on his lips.

“Because you might fall back in love with me.”

Perth wakes with a gasp. Sorn’s apartment welcomes him back to life, his brand new assistant hurrying to hand him a cup of coffee as he sits up. 

“Here you go, P’Perth. You have fifteen minutes until Scene 25.”

“Shit, how long was I out?” 

"Not long, an hour and a half, maybe? P'Knock knows and has been shooting the drone shots, so we're still ahead of schedule. We’re currently setting up. P’Saint and P’Pun are still in makeup."

"Thanks, Aom. You're heaven sent."

"You're sweet, P'. Now go!"

Perth laughs weakly, rubbing his eyes. He makes sure to thank every one of his crew that he passes by on the way to the director’s chair. 

He takes a few moments to look over the script while waiting for his actors to get ready. 

"Catalyst Scene 25, Take 1. Action!"

“It’s not working anymore, Ai’Sorn. I know we promised to be there for each other, but you don’t need me anymore.”

“Babe, that’s not true. You know it’s not. I need you,” Perth hears Sorn’s voice break, just a little, and cheers on the inside, “I can’t do this alone.”

“But you have been doing it alone. I’m only getting in the way of your dreams, tii rak.”

Sorn shakes his head, reaching out to hold his lover’s hand and visibly flinching when he moves away. “What are you saying?” 

“I’m saying I’m breaking up with you before you start to resent being with me.” 

Sorn freezes, his eyes shutting down before his legs give out from under him, falling weakly on their bed. Pun sits beside him, reaching out a hand to hold his face.

“CUT!” Perth calls into the mic, his disembodied voice ringing out from the speakers. 

Pun pauses, looking confusedly at the camera. “What’s wrong?”

Perth bites down on his lip, rewinding the last minute of footage. There’s something missing. 

"Can we go back to that last blocking, please? Sorn, you too. There! Hold that please.”

He walks into the room and stands in front of the bed. 

"Pun, do you remember what we talked about? This is the part where you want to say goodbye, but at the same time you don't want to make it worse. You want to comfort Sorn but you're not sure if you're still allowed. I’m not seeing it, Pun. I need to see, to _feel_ that conflict, in your body language, in your eyes.”

Pun nods seriously, taking in Perth’s words. 

“Why don’t you show P’ how you'd do it, Perth?” Saint suggests. 

Perth blinks, "Um. Okay."

Pun nods again, moving away and crossing his arms over his chest. Saint stands, grinning when Perth unconsciously steps backward. 

"Okay, uh so- I'm saying I'm breaking up with you before you start to resent being with me." 

Perth watches Sorn take over Saint, his legs hitting the edge of the bed as he falls down weakly. He looks down, clenching his jaw. Not too much, but enough to be noticeable on camera. It never fails to amaze Perth, watching Saint perform. 

Perth moves to sit beside him, twisting awkwardly at the last minute to kneel instead, keeping a respectable distance between them.

Sorn looks up when he moves, holding his gaze and refusing to let go. Perth looks back steadily, fingers moving restlessly over the bedspread. Saint takes it in his hand, moving closer and placing both their hands over his lap. 

“I will never resent being with you. You know I love you. Please, love...”

Perth leans up, using his other hand to trace his fingers over Sorn's lips, cutting him off. His hand travels up, brushing back Sorn's fringe to press a kiss on his forehead. Carefully, he takes his hand out of the other's hold. 

"Goodbye, Sorn. Good luck." 

Saint's tears fall like clockwork. Perth sucks in a breath and holds it, before standing up and walking away. 

Pun starts clapping, and Perth rolls his eyes. 

"You got that? Conflicted but firm. You know you're hurting him and yourself, but you believe you're doing the right thing."

"Yeah, yeah. I don't know why I'm here, Perth. That was amazing. You're depriving your audience of all this."

"You're here because your manager annoyed P'Rung to death. Now do what I paid you to." 

He glances behind him, where Saint was still in character, sitting forlornly on the bed, one hand absentmindedly on his mouth where Perth's fingers touched it. He meets Perth's gaze when he turns, heartbreak and longing on his eyes. Saint sniffs, looking away delicately, the side of his neck a long sad line facing the camera. 

Perth feels his heart clench in his chest, as if he was his own character, as if he'd done something unforgivable. Dream!Mark's words echo in his ears. _You're the one who hurt him. You hurt him. He's not going to come back._

But then, his director's instincts kick in. He snaps his fingers at the camera and goes behind it. 

"Did we get that? Sorn's reaction?"

The camerawoman startles to attention, nodding quickly. Perth pumps his fist in the air silently and hurries back to his monitors. "Pun," he calls out to the mic, "standby for that retake."

He gestures toward his AD, rewinding the camera on Saint in the last minute. 

“I don't care if it doesn't match the retake, I want camera 4's footage for the close up on Sorn's reaction to the break up."

"We were still rolling when you were giving instructions, Perth. We got the wide shot that includes the emptiness of the bed-” she responds, typing rapidly on her phone as they discuss. 

“And Sorn in the middle? Fuck yes."

“Yes, I was thinking less frames per second during the close up to match the OST. That's trailer material right there."

“Perfect, that's perfect, Ai’Kay.”

"I know," she replies, winking. "Also, this means we had all cameras on that scene you did with Saint."

Perth keeps his focus on the monitors, "and?" 

"And nothing. Never mind. Let's finish that retake. You promised the crew an early out since it's Friday."

"Right, yeah." He taps on the mic. "Pun, you ready?"

“Yes, sir!”

"Clapper, please."

*

Perth is avoiding him.

It started yesterday, after he helped with P'Pun's scene. He normally takes the time to debrief with Saint after every scene, no matter how little. But Perth had closed himself off in what looked like an intense discussion with his ADs, literally turning his back on him when he tried to approach. 

He’s not going to lie, it hurt. Professionally and personally. It was one of Sorn’s more emotionally draining scenes, and not having his director talk him out of it after he just cried his eyes out made Saint feel…abandoned. Perth acted opposite him again, even if it’s just for a demo, and it brought out feelings in him that he had to push down at the moment to allow Sorn’s to rise to the surface. It was fucking exhausting. 

Then, they did three more takes of it. With each one, the weight of his repressed feelings pressed down heavier on his chest. He’d gotten better at snapping himself out of character quickly over the years. He knows that. But shedding Sorn’s heartbreak meant revealing the complicated mess of excitement, nostalgia, longing and a little bit of fear that bloomed within him the moment Perth effortlessly slid into the role and touched him again. 

Saint holed up in one of the empty rooms while P’Pun helped the crew pack up as quickly as possible. He’s not stupid, he knows what it means that Perth touching him and being near him has this kind of effect. The question now was what he was going to do about it. He takes out his phone, scrolling to P’Zee’s contact out of habit. 

“Supsup, how are you? Are you done with shooting? Do you need me to pick you up?”

“Thanks P’, but it’s fine. We might be going out as a group for dinner. P’Pun won’t shut up about that shabu shabu place that just opened. But um, I called because I think I have a problem, P’Zee." 

“What’s up?”

“What's that sound? Are you driving?”

“I am, it’s fine. You’re on speaker.”

“Shit. It’s okay, we can talk about it tomorrow. We’re still on for lunch, right?”

“And the yoga session, Sup. You promised.” 

Saint feels his lips purse into a pout, an excuse forming at the tip of his tongue.

“I can hear you pouting. Come do yoga with P’ na. Na na na?”

“You can’t _hear_ me pouting, P’. And I already said yes. I’m not going to like it, but I’m still going because you’re treating me to lunch after,” he replies, rolling his eyes fondly. This man knows him way too well.

“Whatever you say, Sup. Now stop rolling your eyes and tell me what’s wrong.”

Saint catches himself smiling, the previously unbearable weight in his chest lifting the longer he talks to Zee. It’s nice to know that some things would never change. 

“Nah, it’s okay. We can talk about it tomorrow. Where are you now? Did you get to visit the restaurant? Have you set the tasting date? Make sure to schedule it when your nong is free or I’ll be mad.”

Another one of P’Zee’s partners was opening a restaurant near one of the Bangkok gyms. Saint, naturally, has a slot for their tasting night. 

He hears P'Zee laugh on the other line and suddenly, he knows that he's going to be okay. 

They chat lightly for a bit more, up until Zee has to let him go to park and one of the new assistants (N'Aom, Saint recalls) peeks her head in and joyously informs him that P'Pun's bringing them to dinner and would P'Saint like to join? 

Saint nods, not bothering with removing his makeup and following N'Aom out of the location. 

Most of the cast and crew were gathered in the garage, discussing transpo. He can see the trucks carrying their equipment already driving away. Saint looks around for Perth - maybe they can still debrief before Saint sheds Sorn off for the weekend. 

"I'm sorry, P'," he hears N'Aom say from beside him. "P'Plan picked P'Perth up a while ago."

Oh.

"That's who you're looking for, right?"

Saint nods. "That's okay, N'Aom. Guess we'll just have to eat double for him."

The girl smiles sunnily up at him. "Oh, you know my name," she squeaks out. 

"Of course. You're my co-worker. You know, Perth was running himself to the ground before we encouraged him to get an assistant. I'm really glad you're here for him. Keep up the great work, okay?" 

She nods enthusiastically. "That means a lot P', thank you so much." 

Saint takes out his phone, sending Perth a quick message against his better judgment. 

**To: Ai'Director** **  
7:12 PM**  
Can't believe you're ditching your crew ☹️

**From: Ai'Director**  
**7:15 PM**  
Sorry P'. I have a script reading for Elite tomorrow morning. You guys enjoy. 

"You okay, P'?" Aom asks, watching him with concern. 

No, he's not. Perth's reply sounds way too formal and he just _knows_ that he's avoiding him. Worse than that fact is his own reaction to it. He feels clingy, restless. It's annoying. Perth is his director, and just because they agreed to be friends doesn't mean he's going to spend his newly-found free time with Saint. 

P'Pun comes around with Ai'Kay, playfully trying to take her phone away. 

"You're off the clock already, Kay. It won't kill you to stop working for an hour to enjoy the best shabu-shabu in Bangkok."

"You two, with us in Pun's ancient Almera. Let's go," Kay directs, ignoring Pun completely. He pouts but obediently gets into the driver's seat.

Kay does a final sweep around the area with her eyes before getting in. 

Saint opens the car door for Aom, letting her go first. He likes this girl. 

"P'Saint, um, would it be okay if we take a photo together? You're basically like. My idol. Actually, you and P'Perth were the reasons I applied for SWU." 

"Hey, really? You're an SWU alum? That's cool, I can't believe I didn't know that."

They take a couple of selfies that N'Aom posts on Instagram, tagging Saint with his permission. 

"No worries, P'. You were busy. I think that's the reason they got me for P'Perth, actually. COSCI represent!" she cheers, pumping her fist in the air. 

Ai'Kay joins in from the passenger seat. Once she starts, N'Aom doesn't seem to be able to stop. Even P'Pun turns the radio down to let her chatter herself out. 

"I was in 12th grade when the announcement for your Oscar nom came out. I loved Quarantine so much because most of the people in our family are in healthcare and my Mom said that the portrayal of frontliners abroad were so spot-on. So I binged all your work in like a week and I couldn't believe that you did all those different roles before you were 23 I mean - they're all so distinct!"

P'Pun sends Saint an amused smile through the rear view mirror. 

"I'm not really a BL fan so I was kinda wary of LBC but you guys were just. So sweet. My girlfriend was just like Ae. I thought she was just being nice by taking me places and guiding me because I'm not originally from Bangkok, but then after finals week we were lying on her dorm bed and she told me that my lips looked so soft and that she wanted to kiss them. Just like in the show, because she knew I liked it and watched it with me. It was so sweet."

"That's so sweet it's sickening." P'Pun.

"It's not the kid's fault girls find you repulsive, Pun." Ai'Kay. 

Saint ignores them both.

"What's her name again? It's good that at least one of us in this car isn't married to their work."

Aom laughs with him when Pun and Kay raise their middle fingers at Saint at the same time. 

"Her name's Tina and she's an architect…"

*

Instagram | Explore

**aom_v** #TGIF with my idol 🤩 - with @saintsup

**ohmpawatt** the @catalyst.th crew says hi 😅 - with @saintsup, @pun_ts, @aom_v & 15 others

  * **pun_ts** we missed you uncle @perthppe
  * **perthppe** @pun_ts who are you calling uncle? 😤
  * **ohmpawatt** @perthppe @pun_tsthe one who didn't go out with us on a friday night 🙄



**saintsup** shabu shabu with the @catalyst.th fam 🤤

  * **kaylerr** but none of us are there? you just took pics of the food
  * **saintsup** priorities
  * **kaylerr** 🙄 



He's trying really hard not to be petty. He is. But it's really not fair that Perth liked _and_ commented on everyone else's post last night but his. He’d messaged Perth that morning to wish him luck for the script reading, but that was left unanswered too. 

Perth was the one who wanted to be friends, right? So what the fuck is this?

"Honestly, I'm more concerned that he didn't talk you down after the scene yesterday. That's so unprofessional," P'Zee comments, filling up Saint's plate for him. 

"I know, right? It was the last scene too, he could've spared five minutes." 

Him and P'Zee have an interesting relationship. A lot of their friends wonder if they're together, and at one point Saint was weak enough to want to try. But even if P'Zee wasn't ninety-nine point nine percent heterosexual, he wouldn't want to risk their friendship. He'd been there for Saint for some of the most difficult parts of his life, and all the good that came after. His opinion meant a lot to Saint, and he's the first person he always goes to for advice. He's sure no one (except P'Chen) in the industry knows him as much as Zee does. He would hate to lose him on the chance that something romantic between them would work. 

"Oh bunny, you're going to love this." Zee passes his phone over, open on P'Plan's IG story, where he and Perth are definitely _not_ at a script reading.

Saint frowns. "Now that's just rude. He didn't have to lie. He could've just said he didn't want to go last night. Asshole."

Zee pats his head, laughing as Saint sulkily ducks out of his reach. 

"Be honest, what is it like working with him again?"

"There's no again, P'," Saint replies, stuffing his face. "We were co-actors before, and now he's my director. It's completely different."

"You know what I mean."

Zee is one of his oldest, dearest friends. So he knows to wait until Saint's finished half his plate for the answer.

"Before yesterday? It's been pretty good, actually. You know he wrote the script himself? So he knows it inside out and it shows. Most of the staff are older than him but he doesn't let it bother him. He has this way of being respectful but firm. He's such a quiet person but everyone listens when he gives instructions. I honestly can't believe it's his first time directing, he's got everything under control. And he's so hands-on too, he does the camera work like half the time. He always makes sure that everyone else is eating before he does."

"Sometimes when a scene doesn't turn out the way he likes, his cheeks puff up in frustration, like a choux cream. It's _adorable_ , P'. Or when he falls asleep on set, he curls up into a little ball clutching the script and his phone and it's so cute. He's like a cinnamon bun, you know like that one we got in Korea? It happens way too often, he's so tired all the time. Sometimes I just want to tuck him into bed and let him sleep for a week."

P'Zee is looking at him strangely when he finishes.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?" 

"You like him." 

Saint keeps quiet and Zee's eyes widen in realization. "That's the problem you were calling about last night. You like Perth."

"He's been out of my life for so long. It's almost like we're different people." 

"Time tends to make us think that."

"And it wasn't like I liked him when we were together. I mean, when we were working together. We were children, you know?"

"We met just after," Zee reminds him. 

"That's different," Saint shrugs off. 

"We're not talking about who he was to you. We're talking about who he is, in the present. Talk to P', Saint. What do you feel for him now?" 

"I- I like working with him. I like the way he treats his people and the way he's not selfish about his characters. It makes me feel like we're building Sorn together. I like how he thinks, how he makes my job easier for me by thinking as an actor and a director. I like taking care of him, knowing that he's okay. I like watching him eat and knowing he's well-fed. I like...talking to him and seeing his smile and hearing his laugh. I like how he wears muscle tees when we're shooting outdoors but otherwise hides inside oversized hoodies. I like how he plays the guitar on set when he thinks everyone is a little too stressed and we all sing along and it's so nice." 

Zee pushes his plate of dessert toward Saint, watching as the younger moodily pokes at it.

"I think you got your answer, Saint."

Saint nods, chewing half-heartedly. Zee pats him on the shoulder. 

"What do I do, P'?" 

"You can't really do anything yet while you're still working together, right? It'll be fine, Saint. If you still feel the same way when filming ends, we can decide what to do then.

"Finish your food. P'Chen says I'm driving you to GMM for that guesting on Tay's show this afternoon. Come on."

*

Instagram | Explore 

**tawan_v** guess who's with us on set today? 😝 - with @saintsup

  * **@newwiee** sup, missed youu 😍
  * **@tawan_v** just sup?
  * **@newwiee** yes



*

As soon as filming is done, Ohm blows up his phone, reminding him of badminton night tonight and sending creative threats of what he would do if Saint was late. He sends an affirmative and pockets his phone, watching the elevator numbers slowly go down. 

When he reaches the lobby, the usual cluster of fans is there, phones out toward a figure by the entrance he can't see. He would've walked past - the motorcycle taxi he booked was already waiting by the driveway - if he didn't hear his name being called. 

"P'Saint! Wait up!"

*

**@kdppeforever** guys so I'm at GMM to pick up my boxset and everyone's favorite director is here omfg bit.ly/image/294882

  * **@tanapondotcom** is he there for a project? is it with nanon?
  * **@kdppeforever** idk yet the people said he's just been at the entrance waiting



**@kdppeforever** oh I just saw Tay's post on IG 👀

**@kdppeforever** THEY LEFT TOGETHER !!!!! have you seen this @httptrigon ???? 😲😲😲 bit.ly/video/294897

**@httptrigon** ALL I EVER DO IS WIN WIN WIN bit.ly/video/294897

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a quick thank you to everyone who leaves comments and kudos, you guys make my day 😍 please keep doing so HAHA
> 
> if anyone's interested, I have another PS one shot up [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24841258) . it has smut and sadness in it, go check it out


	5. catalyst, pt.2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am SO sorry for the long wait. this chapter went through a shit ton of changes which was annoying bc it was mostly fully written when I uploaded ch4 ??? but anyway I really do think this version is better. we should be halfway through already - i have an ending-ish and the part where they talk about LBC, just gotta figure out how to get there. here's chapter 5, hope you enjoy :)

Perth waves his arms excitedly, the crowd of fans between them parting like the red sea to where Saint is standing. 

He hands him a white box, and Saint's mouth waters at the familiar logo of his favorite watermelon mochi brand. 

"For me?" 

Distantly, he's aware of the fans clicking away at their little moment, but he's too distracted by the way Perth's ears turn red as he nods. He's so cute Saint has to remind himself that he's still mad at him.

"I remembered that this was your favorite from one of your recent interviews."

He clutches the box to his chest, lest his hands do something embarrassing, like pulling Perth close and never letting him go.

"Thank you, Perth," he says, internally dying as Perth gifts him with a small, shy smile.

"I'm really sorry, P'. N'Aom messaged me yesterday and said you were looking for me. It's just that Plan and I already had...plans."

It's so unfair. He was so determined to be mad for way longer than this. 

"Nah, that's okay. I figured you must be so sick of seeing our faces day in and day out anyway."

"No, never," Perth quickly and earnestly replies, shaking his head and reaching out a hand to touch his arm, "not when it's your face."

Saint feels the spot where Perth touches him grow warm. His words and the way he said them - like it's really important for him that Saint understands that he's not going to get tired of _him_ \- makes him feel strangely fragile and reckless at the same time. He wants to fall forward and wrap him up in his arms, but at the same time, he wants to run the fuck away. 

"I always want to see you. You know that, right?" 

Definitely run away. 

Perth smiles wider, like he had no idea of the ruckus he was causing in Saint's heart. He waiis politely at the fans before leading Saint to where his car is parked.

"I was hoping we can go together to badminton night," Perth starts, suddenly shy, "if I'm still welcome."

"Oh. Of course, yeah. Nanon and Ohm are gonna be there too, so…"

"And you?"

"What about me?"

"Do you want me there?"

"I was the one who asked you to come, Perth."

"I know, it's just- I really am sorry for not being at dinner last night. I also realized we weren't able to debrief after your scene with P'Pun. I was too excited to process because it came out exactly like I imagined it that I forgot to ask how you were. It was a heavy scene and I should've checked up on you after. I'm truly, deeply sorry, Saint. Do you- are we okay?" 

Saint looks down at the box in his hands, and thinks of the distance between the Netflix office, the store at Siam that sells them, and the GMM building. Perth must've sped through Bangkok traffic just to get here in time. 

"I must seem like such a child, P'. All I ever seem to do is apologise to you," he continues dejectedly, taking Saint's silence as rejection. 

That won't do.

"It's okay, Perth. Really. You can't beat yourself up over every missed detail. You won't be able to finish a single film in that way. And I have my own ways of getting out of my character's headspace." 

"Are you sure? I don't want to mess this up, Saint. I only just got you back." 

And really? What does Perth expect him to do when he says things like that?

Saint places his dessert on the roof of the car, and wraps his arms around Perth in the warmest, tightest hug that he can. 

“We’re good.”

When he pulls back, Perth wouldn’t let him, holding on tighter for a few more moments before opening the passenger side door for him, smiling brighter than the sun. 

He hasn't been in Perth's car; they usually take his. It feels so low-key like this, just two guys going out for a fun night with their friends - no work, no characters, no loaded past to think about. He looks down at the dessert in his hands, then back up at Perth, who starts to drive with a soft, carefree smile on his face. It’s a good look on him. 

Saint takes a piece of mochi and chews quietly, the burst of fruit in his mouth made sweeter when Perth rests a hand on his knee. 

"Is this okay?" he asks, eyes on the road. 

He's humming along to the song on the radio, his voice suffusing honey to the moment Saint already knows he's going to keep close to his heart.

"More than okay," Saint affirms, brushing his fingertips softly over the back of Perth's hand as he picks up another mochi. 

If he told his younger self that he would get the chance to sit in a car with Perth Tanapon again, just the two of them, and hear him sing and hold his hand, younger Saint would probably tell him to stop with the delusions and go back to work. That such a simple thing felt like a huge impossibility because it's with Perth is a little sad, but that's his life.

It still feels a little unreal sometimes, that he and Perth are working closely enough again to work together and have arguments and reconciliations and weekend hangouts. 

So he tells him so.

"Did you ever think we'd get to this?"

He hopes Perth wouldn't make him explain. 

He doesn't. 

"I didn't want to think about it, P. But I'm so thankful we did."

"I used to dream of who the cast would be in my debut film," he continues, "I've worked opposite so many actors but none of them ever seemed right."

The red light comes at the most opportune moment. Perth looks at him, that signature smile so wide his eyes disappear and Saint's heart leaps in his chest. 

"I'm really happy it's you. That it's you, again. You were my first lead co-actor, and now you're the lead in my first film. It all feels a little serendipitous. Thank you for trusting me."

Saint didn't, not at first really. He doesn't know when it changed. Maybe it was over weeks of filming late at night and at the crack of dawn, of the rare night drives, of watching Perth command his crew with a firm yet gentle hand and tons of undeniable competence, vision and talent, that Saint can feel the closed off space in his heart Perth used to occupy slowly bloom again, like a dying flower suddenly fed with water and sunlight.

So much sunlight, he thinks, staring still at the way the dying light of day turns Perth's skin golden, his gorgeous smile warm and those beautiful eyes focused entirely on him. He doesn't look like the child who'd forsaken him in his youth. He looks like someone Saint could fall in love with, here and now. 

"You're welcome. And thank you too, for making this work. I'm really glad we're able to move past what happened." 

The light turns green. Perth's eyes turn to the road, but the hand on his knee is steady.

Saint's phone wails with P'Chen's special ringtone. 

"P'! I thought you were at N'Sky's shoot?"

"I am. Yet somehow, my fully grown adult talent is giving me more trouble than the literal teenager. You're so lucky you're my favorite, Suppapong, I swear."

"Aw, you know you're my favorite manager too, P'."

"I'm your only manager. What are you doing? I sent you to GMM to do a guesting, not to blow up the perthsaint hashtags. Again."

Saint glances at the vision beside him and can't bring himself to feel guilty. 

"Anyway, that's not why I called. N'Kim sent over another proposal. Are you sure you won't-"

"P', we've talked about this."

"I know, but you're still so young, Saint. I think you’ll really like it if you just look. It's a sure thing if you say yes. They’re really keen to have you.”

"Only because I love you. But don't expect me to change my mind."

"I wouldn’t be so sure. I have to go but please, no more fancams tonight."

"You got it, P."

"Everything alright?" Perth asks when Saint puts his phone down.

Saint takes the hand on his knee and intertwines it with his own, enjoying the way the tips of Perth's ears turn red again.

"Everything's perfect."

He's told worse lies. 

*

Saint has one hand on Perth's lower back as the younger carries a huge tray of shots to their table. 

"Waiter, over here," Nanon hollers from beside Chimon, a shit-eating grin on his face. 

"We won, how come we're the ones bringing your drinks?" he sulks, shoving Ohm off the couch so he and Saint could sit. 

"Rules are rules," Khaotung reasons, reaching out to take a shot, "Ohm had the brilliant idea to play Never Have I Ever, game?"

It's after the match, and they're in a private area in some club that Chimon rented out. Because like Saint has told Newwiee over and over, GMMTV only employs actual overgrown children. 

"You're all actual children," Perth mutters, stretching out his arm across the back of the couch so Saint can lean comfortably. He watches as an unwitting smile blooms on Perth's perfect face, growing bigger as Saint rests his head on his shoulder. 

Perth lets his arm curl around his neck, his hand at the perfect position to trace absent figures on his collarbone. Saint sighs softly as he does so. 

"But first, a toast," Chimon proposes loudly, "to old friends!"

"Chon!" the rest echoes loudly, downing the first round of shots.

"To PerthSaint wiping the court with Ohm and First and Namon!" Khaotung follows up. First sticks his tongue out from beside him. 

"Chon!"

"To Frank finally picking which graduate program to pursue!" First, this time.

"Chon!"

"To Ohm having a relationship that lasted for more than a year!" Chimon, again. Ohm reaches out to playfully punch his shoulder, but Chimon retreats into Nanon's arms and successfully evades him.

"Chon!"

"Are they really not together?" he asks Ohm in a whisper. 

"You keep asking this," Ohm replies, leaning closer, "the answer's still no. They're just really close friends."

"What are you two talking about?" Perth asks suspiciously, the hand on Saint's shoulder tightening.

"Nothing," Ohm replies quickly, smiling widely.

"Don't you think Nanon and Chimon are too close to be just friends?" Saint insists, turning his attention to Perth. 

"They've been that way since I knew them," Perth answers. Saint puffs his cheeks out, staring intently as Chimon playfully knocks his and Nanon's knees together and Nanon pours another shot down Chimon's throat. 

"That's so not normal," he mutters, almost to himself. 

"Let's play already," Khaotung whines, clapping his hands to get everyone's attention. 

He pours a round for everyone, shooting off random sexual questions that embarrass absolutely no one and work only to fill the actors around the table with alcohol.

"I can't believe you of all people roped me into drinking," Perth whispers into his ear, fingers running lightly over the skin beneath his collar. 

Saint grins, turning to nuzzle into Perth's neck. "You needed to loosen up, you're always so tense on set." 

“I got one, I got one,” Ohm announces, laughing. 

“I’m not sure I want to hear this,” he whispers to Perth, chugging his glass of beer before reaching out to Nanon for a new one. Perth just laughs, his arm dropping to curl warmly around Saint’s waist. 

“Get on with it,” Khao hollers. Ohm leans in, smiling widely. “Never have I ever… jerked off to a BL actor outside a scene.”

“Ex-boyfriends don’t count!” he adds hastily, pointing at Perth.

Laughter erupts around the table, gradually dying down into awkward silence as those gathered look around, unsure whether to drink or not. Saint feels Perth freeze beside him, before nonchalantly downing the shot in Saint's hand, their fingers brushing. He feels his eyes widen. “Perth?”

“What? I’m just following the rules.” 

“O-ho,” Saint crows, playfully jostling the other man, “pretty little Perth? Really?”

“I started acting in high school, give me a break!”

“So if it’s not Mark, who is it?” 

“Like I’m telling you,” Perth deflects, refusing to meet his eyes. His arm doesn’t leave Saint’s waist though, and Saint starts to feel conscious of how close they’re seated together. He frowns, letting his finger settle under Perth’s chin and directing his gaze back to him.

“I promise I won’t tell,” Saint says sweetly. 

Perth looks up at him, his cheeks flushed red from the alcohol, bright eyes wide and panicked. Saint wants to kiss him. 

Saint wants to kiss him. He wants to kiss Perth. The thought brings with it immediate sobriety. 

He drops the finger and leans forward, out of Perth’s hold, under the guise of reaching for a fresh drink. Perth’s arm falls uselessly to the back of the couch. Saint downs the glass handed to him, deliberately turning away so he doesn’t have to see the other’s face.

Across the table, Chimon and Nanon refuse to meet each other's eyes as they both drink. Khaotung reaches to slap Ohm's hand in a high five. 

Beside him, First loudly and drunkenly announces, "I want to dance!" 

Saint hurriedly stands to join him, leaving Perth on the couch. 

First's idea of dancing seems to be just weaving between random people on the dance floor and swaying dangerously a lot. Saint follows, if only to make sure he doesn't accidentally injure someone.

"N'Saint!" he cheers, "dance with me!" 

"I'm trying."

Eventually, Frank and Khaotung take pity on him and join him in managing the rosy-cheeked actor. First, in his gratitude, gathers them all into a huge group hug, dislodging several other dancers who move away huffily. 

"I love you guys, so much," he declares, slowly and tearfully. Saint watches in fascination as Frank, with tears in his eyes, nods along. 

He carefully moves away from their embrace, sidestepping Chimon and Nanon who were swaying in each other's arms, looking lost in their own world. 

"Dance with me," Perth asks, suddenly in front of him, eyes glassy and cheeks flushed red from his drinks. 

"Perth, are you okay?" he asks hesitantly. 

Perth shakes his head, stumbling a little. Saint automatically reaches out to steady him, locking his arms around his slight waist. 

"It's you, you know."

They sway in place, a mockery of a dance, as the darkness and neon lights turn their friends into shadows. 

"When Ohm asked about the, the jerking off thing. It's disgusting, I know. I'm sorry, P'. It's just- it's you. Earlier today, I came to meet P'New and P'Plan before going to the script reading for Elite. He asked about who makes me want to get up every shooting day. I answered you, because he asked who and not what."

"You don't mean that," Saint replies, disbelieving. 

Perth hides his face in Saint's shoulder, wincing. 

"I did, I'm sorry, P'. But it was only once and it was a long time ago-"

"I meant the other thing," Saint interrupts, cheeks flushing. 

"Of course I did," Perth answers, breath hitching when Saint pulls him closer. He looks up finally, nuzzling their noses together. 

They're so close his lips brush over Saint's own when he speaks.

"It's you, it's always been you. All these years, when everything seems too hard and too difficult, I think of you and draw strength. You're the strongest, most talented person I know. When you asked me earlier if I ever thought about it, I lied. Of course I thought about it. I've always dreamed of how amazing it would be to work with you again and now it's come true. I just didn't think it would take this long."

Saint's head feels a little fuzzy - he's never been a drinker. But he's not drunk enough that he can't feel his heart breaking at Perth's words. He doesn't know if the vulnerability was inspired by the alcohol or something else. The Perth he'd known - knows - takes great care in choosing his words. They're alike in that regard, thoughtful and articulate, only Saint talks much more. So he knows the weight the confession must've cost him. He doesn't have the heart to tell Perth how working with him was a dream he gave up a long time ago. How this whole project feels like a glitch in the code of his life he accidentally stumbled into. 

Thinking about it like that, like it’s a different him who would have to face the consequences of his actions, Saint lets the last of his inhibitions fall away. He pulls back to look Perth in the eyes, slowly tracing his bottom lip with his thumb, waiting for the rejection he knows wouldn't come. Perth blinks slowly, leaning into his touch. Saint marvels at the softness of it, at the way his lips obediently part at the slightest touch. Between them, the faint smell of alcohol wafts with Perth's every exhale.

"So pretty," he mumbles, staring dazedly as Perth's tongue hesitantly comes out to lick the pad of his thumb. 

"If this is a dream," Saint says, leaning impossibly closer, "I don't want to wake up."

Perth closes the remaining distance, his mouth moving hungrily over Saint's. Saint groans into the kiss, hands slipping down to skim over Perth's waist, tugging impatiently at his shirt to reach skin. 

Perth holds his face with gentle hands, long fingers leaving feather-light touches across his jaw. He lets his lips part, clever tongue swiping across the seam of Saint's lips and into his mouth. 

Saint whines when he does so, and suddenly Perth's moving, hands moving sensuously up Saint's chest to lock behind his neck, his hips grinding over Saint's groin in time with the music. 

Perth swallows the moan that spills out of his mouth at the action, hands moving down his jaw to his neck, over his shoulders, across the clothed planes of his chest and stomach until they reach around his lower back and down his ass. 

Saint feels warm all over, the places on his body where touching Perth coming alive as if they've never known touch before, as if his body was waiting for Perth's hands again before it remembered what it was for. Even across two layers of clothing, he can feel Perth's arousal pressing against his own, and he clutches at Perth's shoulder for purchase so he can move his hips in kind against him. 

Perth moans into his mouth when he does so, his grip on Saint's ass growing stronger, more possessive. It sounds absolutely filthy, Saint can't wait to see how much more of those noises he can pull out of Perth's pretty mouth until his voice grows hoarse.

His hands are restless over Saint, moving over his ass, hips and waist and back again. Over the hazy cloud of pleasure, Saint hears the bass drop and he turns around in Perth's embrace, swaying and pushing back into the hardness he can feel in Perth's pants under the guise of dancing. Perth's fingers dig almost painfully into his hips, and Saint swears he can come just by listening to Perth moan, low and erotic, behind him.

"Don't test me," Perth pants, thrusting shallowly into him. Saint closes his eyes, imagining the bruises Perth was leaving on his hips, only to wrench them open again when Perth _sucks_ pleasurably at his neck.

He immediately soothes over it with tiny kitten licks, murmuring apologies into the skin. Saint nods nonsensically, lost in his pleasure. 

"P', let's take this somewhere more private na. Your place or mine?" 

*

Perth lingers by the entryway, looking at a framed photo of Saint and his Mae at the Academy Awards. 

"I miss Par Nuk," Perth announces, unmistakable fondness in his eyes. Saint smiles, handing Perth a glass of water.

Perth drinks, and Saint's eyes trace the way his throat moves as he swallows. He empties the glass, looking directly at Saint when he puts it down.

"Almost as much as I miss her son." 

And suddenly, Saint knows exactly how the night will go.

They collide in the middle of Saint's empty, silent apartment. Once he finally gets to taste Perth again, it's like all his higher brain function shuts off. All he can think of is that he wants _more._ He wants to get closer, to touch his lips to every inch of skin possible, to feel him get hard beneath him and watch pleasure paint his cheeks red as he spills inside him.

They stumble across the unit and fall to his bed in a tangle of clothes and limbs. Saint manages to quickly wrestle off Perth’s shirt, baring gorgeously tanned shoulders and collarbones to his hungry eyes. Perth kicks off his own pants, pushing heavily on Saint’s shoulder so his back hits the headboard, and quickly climbs over his lap. Saint impatiently pulls him down into a sloppy kiss, moaning into Perth’s mouth as he grinds languidly over his still clothed but quickly hardening dick.

Perth licks into his open mouth, swallowing the soft noises he’s making. Saint feels heady, drunk on the feel of Perth’s skin under his fingers and the taste of alcohol on his tongue. He runs his fingers over those shoulders, down his chest and toned stomach and lower, smiling into the kiss as he feels the muscles jump under his touch. 

Saint pulls away to say “I can’t believe I’m touching you,” the alcohol eliminating his usual filter. Perth laughs at that, the low sound of it going straight to his dick. 

“I'm going to touch you everywhere,” Perth promises into his ear. He bites down gently on the lobe, before ducking down and kissing his way down Saint’s throat. He starts alternately sucking and licking at the part where Saint's neck meets his shoulder. It feels so fucking good Saint can't help the positively _needy_ whines that spill out of his mouth. Perth's cock jumps at the sound, growing hotter and heavier in his hand.

Perth pauses in his ministrations to let out a groan of his own. "Keep making that sound and I'm going to have to fuck it out of you," he growls out.

Saint smiles, throwing his head back. "I'm not stopping you, am I?" he asks cheekily.

Perth leans back to look at him, and Saint's breath catches at the tender look in his eyes.

Without breaking eye contact, Perth slowly unbuttons Saint's shirt, knuckles grazing lightly over every inch of exposed skin, followed quickly by open mouthed kisses, leaving a trail of goosebumps and heat that leave Saint breathless with anticipation.

His hands move quickly, working on opening Saint's jeans. Saint shifts his legs restlessly, kicking off the cumbersome clothing and pulling Perth back up by the hand. 

"Condom and lube by the drawer," he gasps out, stroking Perth's hardness and feeling his mouth water at the thought of having it inside him. 

Perth retrieves the items with one hand, warming a generous amount of lube between his fingers and settling between Saint's thighs. He smooths his free palm slowly from his knee, up his thighs and finally to his entrance, his index finger rubbing hesitantly just outside. He works him open slow and steady, eager but careful not to cause him pain, endearingly attentive to Saint's every reaction.

Saint closes his eyes when Perth deems him ready and finally pushes in, his way eased by the slick. He feels Perth press their joined hands onto the bed, leaning in to press light kisses on his chest, distracting him from the burn of the stretch. 

He feels so good, so full. He wraps both legs around Perth's waist, urging him to move. Perth takes his time pushing in in long, slow thrusts. It's so unbelievably tender Saint finds himself blushing even as his cock messily spreads precum over both their stomachs. 

"You're so beautiful," Perth whispers, running his hands soothingly, reverently over his thighs, folding Saint's legs over his chest so he can deepen his thrusts. 

"Faster, Perth, please," Saint gasps out, feeling the familiar desire building low in his stomach, waiting for release. Perth acquiesces, planting his knees deeper into the bed and pulling Saint almost into his lap, hips moving powerfully to chase both their orgasms. 

Perth's body is older, stronger, exuding confidence borne of years of experience. The face twisting in pleasure above him is sharper, bearing lines that weren't there the last time they were this close together, teenagers playing at sex, manifesting desires that weren't their own in front of a film crew. It's two completely scenarios, but in that moment Saint truly believes that Perth's beauty simply would not fade with time. The look in his eyes when he makes love is as earnest and as intoxicating as it was as Ae's, ten years ago. 

When he comes, Perth follows immediately after, pulsing warm and fast inside him. He keeps his eyes open, burning the sight of Perth's face at the height of pleasure into his memory. Eyebrows knit together, perfect skin flushed with sweat, lips parted around a choked off groan. He doesn't know when he'll get to see it again. All Saint knows that Perth is beautiful, beautiful and his, even just for tonight. 

*

Perth is asleep when he comes back from the bathroom, warm cloth in hand to lazily clean them off. He pulls the blanket over them both when he’s done. Still asleep, Perth nuzzles his face in Saint’s neck and sighs. He pulls him closer, running his fingers through his hair. Saint isn't sure if it’s the intimacy of holding someone after sex, or just holding _Perth_ , but he missed this. Missed him. Missed especially the way he looks well-rested and worry-free with his eyes closed, his body sleep-warm and curling into Saint's own.

He spends a few moments just listening to Perth breathe in the quiet darkness of his room, warm puffs of air tickling his bare skin, before reaching out for his phone. 

He opens the brief P'Chen emailed him. He understands why P'Chen wants him to take more projects on, he does. All these years his manager has only ever wanted what was best for him. There's not enough words in any language to express how grateful he is for the older man. 

But some things weren't meant to last forever. And that includes his acting career. 

It wasn't a light decision. Nothing he does ever is. He's talked it over with both his Mae and P'Chen, with his industry and college friends, with P'Zee obviously and even P'Newwiee. It was time. And anyway, they needed someone to take care of the shops back home. Mae Nuk isn't getting any younger. P'Zee's been hinting at him managing the gyms at Trat as well. There's so much more to do. 

He looks over the brief, prepared to see something interesting. _But not enough to make me stay_ , he imagines himself telling P’Chen and N’Kim. The Netflix logo gives him pause, but the title card on the next page makes him stop entirely. 

He turns to look at Perth again beside him, snuffling cutely in slumber, and thinks of the script he saw in his car earlier that night. The one for-

**Bangkok Elite SS6**

_The following script is to be used strictly for audition purposes only. We are looking for a male actor who can convincingly play a college student and is comfortable doing minimal physical stunts and moderate bed scenes with another male actor to play the role of_ **NIRAN** _._

 **NIRAN** _is an overachieving young businessman studying in Singapore who returns to Bangkok to finish his undergraduate degree and broker a deal between his AI-serviced logistics company and_ **THANA** _s family’s clothing line. Charming, charismatic, unfailingly well-mannered but extremely shrewd, he immediately sees through Thana’s excuses and creeps his way into an Elite meeting. There, he will be revealed as_ **PUEN** _s formerly hinted at childhood sweetheart, the one whose life and family was uprooted when Puen Sr. murdered his business partner (Niran's father) in cold blood eight years ago._

‘It's a sure thing if you say yes,’ P’Chen said.

'They’re really keen to have you,' P'Chen said.

They would be, Saint thinks. The actor playing Puen, the one Niran will have to do bed scenes with, is in his bed right now. 

Well shit. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im an ace lesbian so any constructive criticism on the sexy parts are welcome! also i realized a bit late that it's tay's gang who plays badminton and nanon's who does soccer but whatever
> 
> i imagine bangkok elite to be like a more realistic, more social commentary-esque marvel's the runaways if they didn't run away. so like a bunch of hi-so rich kids who knew each other from private school and came together to secretly expose their parents' greed and corruption while dealing with their own dramas. perth's character puen would be the big brain/strategy guy behind their operations who's never had a lasting love interest
> 
> i kinda want to watch it now :/
> 
> let's talk about perthsaint and bl on twitter! @darkbluecuddles


	6. calm before the storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashback in the middle of the chapter refers to 2023, the same year as the Oscars when Quarantine would’ve won Best Picture. Perth and Nanon would’ve graduated from SWU for a year, Mark and Ohm for two.

When he wakes, his head is pounding like a drum, his body aching in a familiar yet sorely missed way. He blinks his eyes open, sees Saint's heavenly face, lovely even in sleep, and vows not to let the second chance he’s been given go to waste. 

He shifts closer, pressing his nose into the sleep-warm skin of Saint’s neck and breathes him in gently. His arm is laid possessively over the other’s bare waist and he feels giddy at the thought of having hugged Saint to sleep. His memories from last night slowly come back to him, and he moves his hips away before his dick can make itself known (again) to the curve of Saint’s ass just in front of him. 

_Get yourself together, Tanapon,_ he thinks to himself. _You are_ **_not_ ** _allowed to fuck this up._

Plan had known immediately when he came to pick him up Friday evening. He’d taken one look at Perth, said “ _oh no_ ” and taken him home despite the food, wine and movie seats that had been waiting for them. Plan’s a good friend like that. 

"What happened?" he had demanded, dropping a six-pack on his counter next to Perth's head. 

"I thought we were going to your pre-tasting," Perth mumbled to the countertop, nudging the beer with his head. 

"I've been at the restaurant everyday this week. They can manage."

"I saw Saint again today," Perth sighed out, almost dreamily, lifting up his head. 

"I know," Plan replied slowly, as if talking to a child, "he's your lead actor." 

"No P', you don't understand. P'Pun - remember P'Pun from the ELLE runway last year? - let me act out… Wait, I'll just show you."

Perth excitedly brought out his tablet, tapping furiously as Plan pulled out ingredients here and there to make dinner. 

"Here, watch!" 

He went around the breakfast bar to show Plan the raw footage of them acting out the breakup scene, and Plan clicks his tongue when Saint starts to cry. 

"That looks rough, was Saint okay?" 

"What do you mean?"

"Like, did he snap out of it quickly or did you have to talk him down?" 

"I…" Perth replied hesitantly, "I don't know. I did some editing right after." 

Plan, who was then sauteing something that smells good over the stove, turned around to point his spatula at Perth. 

"Insensitive." 

“Come to think of it, I didn’t even see him after,” Perth said, mostly to himself, “Ai’Kay and I were discussing sounds for that scene and we’re getting the same people as Chord C so I got excited.” 

Plan slid over two steaming plates of fried rice, throwing a packet of iced tea powder at Perth’s face. Absently, he dissolved it into the pitcher of cold water before him and stirred. 

“Your team went out tonight. Look, even your P’Saint came. You need to apologize, bro.”

Perth swiped Plan’s phone, looking for Saint in Kay’s post and smiling when he spotted him in the middle of taking a bite. 

“Dude, stop stinking up my kitchen with your pining.”

Perth rolled his eyes, digging into his dinner and pulling out his Elite script instead. 

“How should I apologize? Do I bring him sweets? Flowers?”

“Flowers? I said apologize, Perth, not die at his feet.”

“You’re right. No flowers. So...sweets. His FCs keep sending fruits and cupcakes, but the last time I was at his apartment I saw a flyer for this Japanese bakery at Siam...”

“Hold up, when were you at his apartment?”

“Last week. We had to change filming locations and he dropped by to get some clothes. Focus, Plan! So I’m thinking I can drop by Siam after the script reading tomorrow and pick him up from GMM-”

“Why would he be at GMM?”

“He has a guesting. I’m not sure which show.”

“How do you know this?” 

“N’Aom has everyone’s schedules. Okay, not everyone. Just mine. Then she checks Saint’s FC to get his.”

“Why does _your_ assistant need to do that?”

“To...assist me?”

“How does knowing Saint’s schedule help you with directing?” Plan asked, his voice going up in that familiar amused tone that means he’s making fun of him. That’s fine. It’s how Plan shows his affection. Or so he tells Perth.

“It doesn’t,” Perth admitted, “I just like knowing. So I know if he’s actually free to drive me back from set or he’s just being nice.”

Plan groaned. “You’re overthinking this.”

“I’m going to buy him a box of watermelon mochi,” Perth said decisively. But he’s already lost Plan, who’s eating and re-watching the footage at the same time.

There’s a soft smile on his face when he said, “It’s blowing my mind how you two still look so good together. I kinda want to punch you right now for putting that look on his face.”

“Same,” Perth echoed. 

“You miss it, don’t you?”

“I did,” Perth admitted, feeling like something heavy had been lifted off his chest. It had been amazing, constantly seeing Saint this past month, witnessing him do what he did best and bringing the Sorn in Perth’s imagination to life. But acting opposite him, touching him, anticipating the way he would move and responding in kind - was a different kind of exhilarating. He missed it... 

“But I miss _him_ more. I want to see him all the time. I think I like him, P’.”

Plan mimed throwing up his food. “You just realized this now? Our chat is 10% work and 90% you gushing about how a great actor and a wonderful person he is.”

“There’s no need to exaggerate, P’.”

Plan stared at him the way he does when he wants Perth to read his mind. Perth frowned back. Plan reached for his phone and started to read out loud. 

_“Blue looks so good on P’Saint.”_

_“I’m making an exception to my no yoghurt for breakfast agenda today because Saint gave me some.”_

_“Some people were really just born to be actors. I love my job.”_

_“Is it possible to fall in love with someone’s voice?”_

_“I’m not trying to sound conceited, but P’Saint and I would look so hot together.”_

Perth hid behind his spoon as Plan finally looked up and said, “And these are just from today.”

“I also asked if the new cast for S6 is coming to the reading tomorrow,” Perth defends weakly. 

“P’Kluay won’t tell me shit about the new cast,” Plan pouted, momentarily distracted, “I don’t think they’re done with casting, to be honest, but she wouldn’t confirm.” 

“I can’t believe it took this long for Niran to appear. All that shit that happened with his family was the reason Puen is in Elite in the first place.”

“Oh, I’m so sure they don’t have a Niran yet. I heard P’Kluay whining to someone on the phone to get their talent to look at the script.”

“They would need whoever he is to do an on-screen chemistry test with me, anyway.”

“I don’t know, nong. I heard P’ say something about whoever she’s talking about getting the role the moment they say yes.” 

Plan tapped his fork against the edge of the plate. “Back to the topic. So when you say you like him, do you mean like you want to fuck him, or you want him to be your boyfriend? Or both?”

“P’Plan!”

“Just checking. You haven’t been with anyone seriously since Mark.”

“Hey, what about N’Da-eun?”

“N’Da-eun doesn’t count. You were ‘together’ for the whole two months we were in Korea.”

“Shibal, P’. And Oat?”

“Oat? The one who looked like a cast-off Mark?”

“Right, I remember why we don’t talk about him. Well, N’Muk?”

“Okay, you haven’t been with anyone since N’Muk. And we all know how that ended.”

“Respectfully and with us as friends?”

“Perth, she left you for Nanon’s sister.”

“They’re really good together!”

Plan piled their plates, dropping them at the sink before meeting Perth’s eyes again. 

“Okay, talk. This isn’t just your sentimentality or whatever at work, right?”

“No P’, I promise. I think- no, I know I want to do this right. I want to be with him. For real this time.” 

Perth can already imagine what Plan would say when he tells him (if he tells him) that the only reason he was able to make a move on Saint was because he drank himself silly on Chimon’s card. 

Whatever. Chimon could manage with a few thousand baht less. Perth isn’t sure if he could have gone one more day without telling Saint how he felt. Well, he kind of skipped the telling part and went straight to showing. Same difference. What matters is he finally did it. 

He’s so glad he did too. Saint feels perfect in his arms, pale skin in full display, lost in the white sheets and the weak rays of early sunlight struggling to enter the room through thick blinds. 

He taps Saint’s nose with one finger, smiling indulgently as the other wakes, blinking his beautiful eyes open. 

“Good morning,” he greets, laughing as Saint scrunches his nose cutely against his finger, “Sorry, I’ve always wanted to do that.” 

Still half-asleep, Saint weakly bats Perth’s hand away, moving out of his embrace and reaching for the glass of water on his bedside table. 

“How are you feeling?”

Even his rasp of a morning voice sounds like music to Perth's ears. 

“Happier than I’ve been for a long time,” he wants to answer, hungrily watching as Saint bends over naked to pick his clothes off the floor.

What he ends up saying is, “Good. But I’ll feel better if you come back to bed.”

Saint looks at him, amused, as he dumps his clothes into a laundry basket by the door. 

“I have to meet P’Chen in half an hour, but feel free to help yourself to anything in the kitchen.”

“Can I help myself to you?” Perth counters, getting up to wrap his arms around Saint from behind. 

“Mmm, only if you don’t immediately fall asleep after.”

Perth freezes, hiding his face between Saint’s shoulder blades. He feels more than hears Saint laugh, turning around in his embrace and holding his face tenderly.

“Kidding, Perth. I like it. I like that you feel comfortable enough around me.”

 _I like you_ , he thinks but doesn’t say. 

"I told you you've been too stressed out lately," Saint admonishes, squishing Perth's cheeks together until his lips pout like a fish. 

Saint pecks them quickly, dropping his hands at the last minute. Perth smiles automatically. He'd barely closed his eyes, intent on deepening the kiss, when Saint pulls away. 

He whips out a towel from the closet beside Perth, smiling cheekily before walking to the en suite. "I'm going to shower."

Perth watches the door close behind him, mentally willing himself not to follow. 

“I like you,” he whispers, looking at the door. “P’Saint, I like you. I want you to be my boyfriend.”

 _You sound like a teenager with a crush._ Perth doesn’t know why the voice in his head sounds like Nanon. Shit, speaking of... 

He scrambles to put on his boxers, opening his phone and wincing at the barrage of messages that pour in.

 **F** **rom: Triple N**  
dude wru  
did you seriously leave alr?  
weakshiiiit  
mon says you owe him 750 baht  
yk I know where you live, right?

 **From: B2**  
saw ohm's stories  
do u need me to pick you up?  
perth?  
ohm says you left with saint, way to go  
use protection!  
im going to the resto today. if you can't figure out how the biometrics work again, that's on you. go back to your own apartment for once

 **From: P'Pie 💞**  
nong, they're moving up shooting for elite, I got you two more weeks max  
make sure you've wrapped up filming catalyst by then, n'aom says you're on sched to finish filming by end of week  
post prod should be easier to squeeze in bet. filming  
I'll see you on wed for the dreamskin event, GET SOME SLEEP

 **From: pawat 🙃**  
🤙🤙🤙   
enjoy your night 🤪😝

He shoots off a quick reply to P'Pie, and another for Plan letting him know where he is. The other two can suck it. 

The abrupt sound of the shower shutting off brings him back to reality. Saint comes out, his hair wet and drops of water running down his toned chest. Perth licks his lips.

He walks past Perth to pick out clothes from his closet, hip checking him along the way. 

"Let me know if or when you need this again, okay? I hate seeing you so stressed out." 

Wait, what? 

The speech Perth pieced together in his head dies on his lips.

"I know I feel so much better after a night like that. Should've known you'd be the same,” Saint continues, jumping into his pants.

“Anyway, I really have to go. Stay as long as you like, but please lock the door when you leave." 

Perth can feel his mind race as it tries to make sense of what Saint is saying. Was that what he took away from their night together? That what? Perth was just tired from work and needed a way to release his stress? Did he think that Perth was just using him? And was Saint letting him? 

“Wait, P’Saint.”

“Yeah?”

“What time are you getting back? Let’s get lunch together, or dinner. Whenever you’re free.”

Saint pauses on his way to the hall. “Are you asking me out?” 

"I was thinking I can cook for you, here." 

Perth watches as hesitation flickers over Saint's face, and secretly crosses his fingers behind his back. He's finally realized just how much he's not willing to let Saint slip away from him again, and he's not afraid to look a little desperate to ensure that Saint knows it too.

"You don't have to do that."

"I want to," Perth insists, "please, Saint?"

Saint nods, and Perth releases the breath he didn't know he was holding. He jumps up and kisses Saint's cheek before he can move away.

"See you later?"

Saint grins, a pleased expression on his face. "See you."

*

 _I don’t want to break your heart_  
_you keep yours and I’ll keep mine_  
_I know we know better so_  
_we’d both better go_  
\- lose, niki

**Five Years Ago**

"Babe? What's up? Why aren't you eating?" 

Mark smiles at him across the table, a tiny thing on his handsome face, and Perth immediately knows something is wrong. 

He puts down his fork gently and reaches for Mark's hand. His boyfriend smoothly moves it out of his reach, taking out a thick envelope from his jacket and sliding it over. 

Perth stares at it with a quickly growing sense of foreboding. 

"Open it," Mark urges softly. Perth does with shaking hands. 

The first page is an acceptance letter. EICAR in Paris. A two-year MFA in Filmmaking with a specialization in cinematography. 

The second is a residency contract. Fully paid on-campus housing for the duration of the program. And finally, an employment contract for an internship at a French production house. 

It's an incredible opportunity, he knows. The institution is prestigious as fuck, EICAR a name he's heard thrown around by his seniors at COSCI as _the_ dream school. A dream that Mark gets to live out, only he knows there's no space for Perth in it. 

What Mark says next doesn't surprise him. These are words he'd heard before, words he'd said. 

"I think we should break up."

Somehow, Perth knows this time would be the last. 

"Yeah, it seems like you've been thinking about it for a while."

Mark looks down, refolding the papers and tucking them neatly back into the envelope. Perth watches his hands as he does so. His fingers are long, graceful and patient, just like the rest of him. 

“You’re angry.”

“Of course I’m angry,” he whispers furiously, leaning closer, “you applied for an MFA abroad without telling me and now you want to break up. Do you expect me to throw a party?”

"We knew this was coming, Perth. Even if I wanted to talk to you about it, you never have the time. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, it's just-"

"Not enough for you, I get it."

They've been through this before, too. 

“I’ve made up my mind,” Mark says quietly, “I’m sorry.” 

“I’m still your boyfriend, Mark. You can’t just ambush me like this. We’re supposed to talk these things through.”

“When? When exactly am I supposed to talk things through with you when even a simple dinner like this has to be booked a week in advance? You barely have time to sleep, let alone to see me. Perth, someday you’re just going to keel over from exhaustion and you’ll realize that overworking yourself isn't good for you or the people around you." 

Maybe if Perth had enough free time to think about his social life he would've seen this coming. Again. He's been filming Elite four days a week since the month started, with rehearsals for a solo FM in the US every other day. A runway on Friday with Plan. Two photoshoots since Sunday and three more before the end of the week. A script reading and a commercial shoot on the weekend. 

The last time him and Mark broke up, he told Perth that he couldn't bear to see him work himself to the ground like this. Perth had _begged_ him to take him back, quietly blowing off three more brand endorsement events, camping outside his apartment overnight when Mark didn't go home. Fortunately, none of the events were live. Once they made up, his workload had doubled to make up for it. And here they are again. Perth can see why Mark is desperate to break the cycle. 

"I understand why you're upset. That's okay. Be angry with me, I can take it. But I can't do this anymore, Perth. We're going in circles. I can't take care of you if you won't let me." 

"You can't take care of me if you're not here," Perth replies, his anger simmering down into lukewarm weariness. Guilt. Regret. All the familiar feelings he'd come to associate with Mark. Sometimes he wonders if it would've been better if they just stayed friends. If he would be this hurt had they just remained cruising along that uncertain but magical line between friendship and something more. It never stops hurting, every time they break up. 

"No, but I can give you the chance to learn to love yourself properly. Obviously, I haven't been able to help you with that." 

"Am I really that unlovable that everyone I love leaves me?" 

Mark flinches as if struck. 

"I love you, Perth. Tell me you know that. And I'm leaving so you won't lose me. Because if I don't, I'm going to resent you for never having enough time for me and I'm going to hate myself for not being able to help you."

It's Mark who reaches out this time, holding Perth's left hand in both of his. The tears fall before Perth can blink. 

"I don't want you to leave," Perth croaks out, "I don't know how to be in this world without you, Mark. I've never been before." 

"It's just two years, ja. It's not forever. You've never needed me to be your wonderful self before."

"But I want you here. I want you with me, Mark. I love you," Perth begs, wiping the tears from his cheeks, glancing around surreptitiously to check if there was anyone filming them.

Mark lets his hand go to quickly hold the side of his face. Perth leans into his touch desperately. 

"We can't always get what we want."

"Can I-?" Perth asks around the lump in his throat, "Would you go home with me tonight? Please?" 

The anger is gone, and so is everything else, leaving behind an overwhelming sea of sadness. 

Perth stares as Mark's face softens. He nods, thumb stroking over the soft skin of Perth's cheek. When he lets go to finish his food, Perth's whole body turns cold. He watches Mark eat and follows, every spoonful tasting like ash in his mouth. 

Mark is separated from him by the mere length of their tiny table, his handsome face illuminated perfectly by the warm indoor lights. But already, he feels so far away. Already, it feels like he's said goodbye.

*

**Present Time**

"I'm sorry, Perth. It must've been hard."

He’s not sure how their supposed lunch date turned into him telling Saint how him and Mark broke up. But he doesn’t mind. He’ll tell Saint his whole life story if he’ll listen. 

“It’s fine. He had the guts to do what I couldn’t. It had to be done.”

“Wait. So, the pictures?”

Perth pauses to dry the last plate Saint handed him, placing it gently on the rack before facing Saint’s inquiring gaze.

“Were two years old when they leaked, yeah. It’s embarrassing. I was stupid and the pap just happened to be at the right place and the right time. We think he might have been tipped off but we never found out by whom. Attractor paid a shit ton of hush money. Took it out of my pay. They didn’t even get me lawyers or additional security, just shut everyone up. It got out anyway."

“They never changed, huh?” 

Perth shakes his head, jumping up to sit on the counter. 

Opposite him, Saint leans back towards the cabinets. Plan was pissed when he video called him earlier to ask for help in preparing lunch, but Perth must’ve looked pretty desperate. Under his phi’s begrudging instruction, he’d managed to turn Saint’s considerable pantry stock into an acceptable meal. 

He should probably worry about what excuse to give once Saint notices that he ate through his candy hoard. But it was out in the open like that! What was he supposed to do? Not eat it? Perth isn’t that strong.

"When they finally leaked, Mark was almost done with his MFA. I couldn't get a hold of him until two days after it got out. Easily the worst two days of my life. I couldn't do anything because it was his face too, you know?"

"But P'Pie was so nice about it. As soon as we got Mark's confirmation, she pulled the presscon together. I was in and out within the hour. No mobs, no intrusive questions. I don't know what I would've done without her."

"I watched it live," Saint says, almost absentmindedly. Perth's head snaps up.

"You did?"

"The fans were spamming my mentions. But I would've seen it regardless. You were great - so composed and articulate. I wouldn't have done anything differently. I kept thinking about how terrifying it must've been, and how brave you were for doing it. You didn’t have to, obviously. But it was amazing how you did it." 

Perth feels fragile, like he's going to fall apart at any minute. It had been terrifying - coming out to the world before he was ready. But it felt important at the time. Not just because of the social climate then, when the country was so close to legalizing same-sex marriage with the full set of rights it entails, but also for himself. At times it felt like he’s just been doing all the jobs that came in because they were there. He just wanted to feel in control for once, and this narrative about himself wasn’t something he was willing to let his managers and the media write for him. 

So he tells Saint that. 

“I think I understand,” Saint responds, “For what it’s worth, I know you helped a lot of people.”

“I was so scared,” Perth admits, “of what the backlash was going to be. That everything was going to change. I don’t think I’ve ever said that out loud before.” 

His ankles knock against the shelves below him, and Perth realizes that he’s been unconsciously swinging his legs back and forth. He tries to pull them up, but Saint is there before he can, taking Perth’s shaking hands in his. 

“It’s important to acknowledge that you feel it. So you can move past the fear and focus on _doing_ the things that need to be done.”

“Always so wise, P’Saint.”

“Hey, I’m serious!” Saint pouts, twining their fingers together. Perth feels himself melt, just a little. 

“I know. Thank you. Have you ever felt like that? Like, whatever choice you make, it’s going to end up badly in different ways?”

“But you still ended up choosing the one that helped the most people. It was a good thing you did, Perth. You should be proud of yourself.”

“I got so many messages,” Perth recalls, smiling slightly. 

“What did they say?”

Saint lets his hands go to wrap his arms around Perth’s waist instead. The height of the counter means Perth is above Saint, and he raises his legs so the balls of his feet touch the small of Saint’s back, hugging the man with his lower body. Saint smiles up at him, and Perth couldn’t resist dropping a kiss at the corner of his mouth before answering.

“Well, there were a bunch of homophobes, but that couldn’t be helped. But then there were the kids who grew up watching my work and kept thanking me for giving them someone to identify with, and - I mean, even if I got just one of those messages, it would’ve been worth it.”

“Love by Chance fans?”

“Some. Most of them. But also KDs in general. It was lovely.”

Saint squeezes him tighter, burying his face in Perth’s chest. Perth holds him close, breathing shallowly. He wants this. He wants this every day, to eat with Saint and do chores with him and tell him about his day. He wants to talk with him about all the things that scare him, give him joy, make him doubt. He wants to know that at the end of the day Saint will be there for him to come home to. He wants it so much it scares him. 

He’s tried working on everything Mark told him, and P’Pie has been a huge help with spacing out the acting and commercial projects. Writing/directing is a whole different ball game though, and sometimes it feels like he’s back to where he was five years ago. 

“What’s on your mind?” Saint asks, his mouth moving against Perth’s shirt. 

“I was thinking. What if there’s something that scares me, that I really want to do, but I’m not sure if it really helps anyone but myself?”

“I guess that depends on how much you love yourself.”

“How do you mean?” 

“Do you love yourself enough to push past that fear and get to the thing that would help you?”

“And if - if it’s not a thing, but a person? A person I want to keep in my life after a decade of not having them?” 

Saint looks up and moves away, his arms falling from around Perth’s waist. There’s a look in his eyes that makes Perth feel he just did something very, very wrong.

“Are you asking what I think you’re asking?” 

“I just want a chance, P’. Just keep your heart open for me. That’s all I’m asking.” 

Saint runs a hand over his face, and Perth thinks of sitting across the only other person he’s ever loved, the taste of ashes filling his mouth. He suddenly feels so, so cold. 

“Have you thought this through, Perth?” 

“Of course! Last night- ”

“Last night, we got drunk out of our minds and- ” 

“No, last night, I was going to make a move, but I didn’t want to ruin the moment- ” 

“Perth, think this through carefully. Please.”

“Saint,” he starts, hesitantly reaching out to hold the other’s hand. When he doesn’t pull away, Perth continues, “I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I feel so happy when I’m with you. I know we didn’t part on the best of terms all those years ago, but I want to try. Here. Now. As who I am and who you are, and not the children we were. I don’t want to be scared anymore. I just want you.”

The hand in his starts to shake, so Perth squeezes it hard. He can hear his heartbeat thundering in his ears as Saint silently stares at him, emotions flickering through those eyes too quickly for him to identify. 

“Okay, okay. Let’s give it a try. This. Us. Let’s do it.”

Perth doesn’t fall off the counter, but it’s a close thing. No sooner than his feet touch the ground, his arms are around Saint, clutching tightly as if he’ll disappear the moment he lets go. He’s never going to let go. 

Saint catches him, holding his face in his hands, his ready laughter making Perth’s heart want to burst out of his chest with all the joy inside of it. 

“I heard that. You said yes already. You can’t take it back. I’m going to date the fuck out of you, Suppapong, you’ll see.”

He’s smiling so wide Saint can’t kiss him properly, so he peppers Perth’s face with kisses instead, dropping them on his forehead, cheeks, nose, and the corners of his mouth. 

“I can’t wait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rewrote that breakup scene three times, please let me know what you think 🥺 i write so many words bc I can't let a scene go once it's typed out, but the perthmark dynamic I wanted just. wouldn't. appear. anyway in my head they start dating on/off after LBC2, break up for good in 2023, and then the pictures leak by 2025. then the presscon is perth coming out as bisexual.
> 
> also I know they're leaving att by the end of the year (which I can't be happier about tbh) but for fic purposes let's assume they don't sksfdkj
> 
> ALSO! I BOUGHT A WETV VIP PASS BC REASONS i paid real money so perth can break my heart with his phenomenal acting i'm: not okay. i have opinions on the choices they made for tincan but i'm not gonna talk about it, it upsets me
> 
> hope you're all doing well, see you next chapter! xx


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